Relucent

Invictus

2010-03-13T10:39:00.004Z

One can't deny the melancholic film when watching any of Clint Eastwood's movie. His latest, nominated for the Oscars (I can't remember for what) - Invictus, has done it again.

Invictus scraped through behind the racism amongst South Africans. Not long after being elected as the president of South Africa, Neslon Mandela (played by Morgan Freeman) struggles between reinventing a new South Africa whilst being bombarded with the aftermath of Apartheid decline.

And within 5 years, he has used the Springboks, the national rugby team that mostly comprises of white Africans, to change the mindset of the nation.

It's a story of how a leader unite the people through sports. It's a really nice story. Recommended. =)

Top recognition.

2010-03-07T07:05:00.003Z

Oscar will be held tonight. And i'm just as excited about it. Has always been crazy about movies.

There are 24 highest recognition awards up for grabs tonight. Detail info here.At the end of the day,it all boils down to the results, critics or acceptance of these 10 movies:

“Avatar” James Cameron and Jon Landau, Producers
“The Blind Side” Gil Netter, Andrew A. Kosove and Broderick Johnson, Producers
“District 9” Peter Jackson and Carolynne Cunningham, Producers
“An Education” Finola Dwyer and Amanda Posey, Producers
“The Hurt Locker” Kathryn Bigelow, Mark Boal, Nicolas Chartier and Greg Shapiro, Producers
“Inglourious Basterds” Lawrence Bender, Producer
“Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” Lee Daniels, Sarah Siegel-Magness and Gary Magness, Producers
“A Serious Man” Joel Coen and Ethan Coen, Producers
“Up” Jonas Rivera, Producer
“Up in the Air” Daniel Dubiecki, Ivan Reitman and Jason Reitman, Producers

Out of these 10 movies, i've only watched 4 of 'em. And no, the piece from Mr Tarantino isn't one of them 4.

Avatar is the clear winner. It is so damn good that even if Mr Cameron were joyous to come up and grab his fourth gold naked man trophy, nobody will ever question it. No drama. It's given. It's deserved.

But Oscar is all about the drama. The biggest accolade for filmmakers MUST have drama.

As such, my money is on Hurt Locker. It is a 50% bet. One, if i win, i will definitely brag about it. But, if i lose, i console myself knowing that no money was at stake.

Gone...

2009-11-29T01:31:00.003Z

... baby gone.

History doesn't mean shit. It's just a story about something that happened in the past.Most importantly is that you learn from it and try not to repeat the same mistakes.

But one thing about history though, it has a knack of repeating themselves up. So you gotta be cautious about it.

My history has repeated itself up. and i'm fucking annoyed.

No

2009-10-30T14:56:00.002Z

It was normal for me to succumbed to temptation. Aren't we all? After all, we are just mere humans.

But we do have the choice to make things right for ourselves. Others can advice. But ultimately, we choose to be who we want to be. Unfortunately, most of the times, instead of blaming ourselves on the decision we have unconsciously made, we blamed others by confusing their advice(s) as an act of force.

I held his 4 year old right hand with my left. His palms, though small and unconvinced, were gripped tightly of what i am convinced. I brought him over to the store, leading him intently to the only thing he needs - the chance to get out of any chance embarassment.

I tried to find his pants size in the kids sections. I saw L, i knew it was too big. I saw M, again, it wouldn't have fit him. I looked for S and took it out and stretch my hand to look from afar. I saw a possibility and bring him closer to fit him. It looked fit on the outside. I asked him to change. It didn't.

It was at this moment, it reminded on how his parents were arguing on what to do best for him. Whether to buy him a pin or to just let him hold his lose pants across the crowded them park. He was 4, nobody knew him except his family members. Why would embarassment be an issue to begin with? Though it is financially correct to not being able to rectify the issue straight away, it is also another minute of embarassment of which the little boy can never verbalise in what would have being construde as just a child who knows nothing.

I hope to not be in that situation in my future life. Though hoping doesn't guarantee a guarantee, it offers motivation. And it is in that light of day, through the crowded environment, i paid for the right size of pants for the little boy. A solution that have needed no exchange of crude gestures from the two person who is supposed to take care of the child.

It is with that, shows, though humans are greed of money, what one do with the excess of it (if any) and the choice they have to make. How do you distinguish which is the priority over the other when one decision made now affects the other? Does this ambiguous yet petty situation needs to be consulted with the One? Would that thought even occur in the first place.

It is a continuous journey. It will always be. I believe that to escape the encounter of such situation would require one to continuously succumbed to none other but Him. Just because one will never know what's going to happen in the future. And though the child may grow up without feeling a single bit of shame in recollection of the memory, i was happy to just have made it go away for that tiny moment.

I hope that i'll be stronger for myself and my future family. Mentally, emotionally, financially and most importantly - spritually. For i do not want my current choices to affect the ones that deemed to be unaffected - my child(dren).

Amin.

Bitterness

2009-09-12T06:23:00.005+01:00

Not sure whether it was a question or a statement but it was said - don't be bitter...

And it reminded me of my past. Pulling through in warp speed going back to the time when i first had a taste of emo rock song. It was from Radiohead - Creep. I fell in love instantly with the song when i first heard it while sitting in a cramped back seat with my late grandma and 2 other siblings on our way back to Kampung. Of course, i was too young to even comprehend what love is all about and to a certain extend, what's the meaning of "creep". Yes, that's how young i was.

Nevertheless, it made me searched for more emo type of songs. Where the music is hard and the voice is tolerably "merengek" with nice meaningful lyrics. I found Smashing Pumpkins which in the end became my favourite band of all of my present short-lived time. Found other songs from Radiohead, Muse, Racheal Yamagata, 30 Seconds from Mars, Coldplay, Travis and so much more of them. They are the epitome of all emotions, conveying cryptic messages that transcends beyond what they sing and hit me inside deep.

So, don't ask me to not be bitter. Just don't. It was a beautiful lie to you. But i just don't want to live in denial with mine.

Isn't it not?

Desire

2009-08-31T05:59:00.006+01:00

Desires, ambitions, wants, needs...are some of the words that human beings used to describe their inclination in something. Though they have a distinctive differences in their meaning, they are however separated by an extremely thin line.This past week has been enlightening. A few things that has happened made me think about these thin lines. Most importantly, what have i learned? Or should have learned?

Maybe a review of the wonderful movie UP can summarize them.

Mr Fredricksen lived his life dis-opinionated. Quiet, easy and enjoyed every living seconds that he spent with his wife - Ellie. Both of them shared the same dream to have their house near the waterfall in South America or if i may say, Ellie's dream which by then has became his as well.

With Ellie's death and the rise of the capitalist, he ventured out by sticking out thousands of balloons on his house and fly away in it - in search of life's meaning. Or should i say, he is desperate to give meaning to his life after her passing. The meaning that all these years together, battling through storms and accidents together, the journey will encapsulate his unconditional love for her. While doing that, he was "assisted" by young boy Russell who, in his young-innocent age, was already searching for meaning of life.

What i have learned are:

1. With a dream, came desire. While dreams are merely a thought of something in your mind, desire will spur one to achieve it.

2. This desire then become a wanting. Of which further mistakenly camouflage under the word needs.

3. Dreams are there to be shared. It does not mean as much if you don't. Same as how Carl felt even when he finally set his house at their "dream" destination.

4. Desires if not controlled and contained in a rational way will change you. That's how far Carl's & Ellie's Idol has gotten just so that he can prove to the world that he is right.

5. Both Carl & Russell thought all they needed and wanted was to have meaning in their life. And that the adventure will give them that. Though it definitely made them closer, a mere understanding and opening up to one another would have also made the same difference. Though maybe not as impactful.

There's loads of other learnings that one can gather from this wonderful movie. I imagine, if i ever have a child, i will watch this movie again with them and talk to them about it.

But most enlightening experience is that how i can relate myself with this movie. I can't differentiate between my dream and my desire. And before i can do that, I will never be able to distinguished whether or not i need them nor do i want them. It humbled me and for that i thank both Pete Docter & Bob Peterson for making me realize them.

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED MOVIE

Deaf

2009-08-23T10:10:00.005+01:00

"...I don't wanna fight no more, I don't know what we're fighting for
When we treat each other baby, like an act of war
I could tell a million lies and it would come as no surprise
When the truth is like a stranger, hits you right between the eyes

There's a time and a place and a reason
And I know I got a love to believe in
All I know got to win this time..."

Remember them?

The Misconception.

2009-08-17T15:04:00.003+01:00

Watch this. Though i think this short film exaggerates wayyyyy too much and somehow can be seen as insulting, I still think it's great. Check out more from here. Awesome stuffs.

100809

2009-08-10T09:22:00.003+01:00

Since 28 June, i was running around. Trying to catch my breath (what's left of it). Once in a while, i was wondering whether this is the life that i have been craving for. Not that i have one that is clearly written in my black book waiting to be executed. I'm just a simple guy - work for the money so that you can enjoy life.

It was great. I've overcome the fear of driving in the rain. It didn't take long. I forced myself to drive back to the scene of the accident and just go through it. I love driving. I didn't wanna put it off just because of a horrific accident.

But it did taught me a lot though. The accident somehow knocked some senses in my head that life is just too damn short. Take it easy. Do your best and you'll reap the rewards. InsyaAllah.

Any significant thing happened since June? Yeah, a few...

1. Finally bought a Hugo Boss suit. I just can't deny myself to have one. Blue thin stripe black Italian cutting suit with the emblem of Hugo Boss perfectly stitched inside.

2. Launched a golf campaign. I still no nuts about golf. I hope that one day, i wouldn't be force to play golf.

3. Had my first ever Press Ad in The Star and The Edge.

4. Celebrated Six Years of trying to understand a person.

5. Bought a Sneaky Steve snickers!

6. Met Jonet, Shu and their son - Elyas for the first time. I foresee the cute Elyas either becoming a heartbreaker or an Ustaz in the future. Super-super cute boy.

On leave today. Trying to tell myself that i have a life.

The Right Nutrition

2009-06-28T14:12:00.005+01:00

You don't need to spread your legs, wear short-torned-out denim, show cleavage and fight robots. You just have to go to Hogwarts, kill some CGI monster and have Mario Testino as your photographer. Talk about growing up right - barely legal, 19 year-old Emma Watson, Burberry's face for fall collection. Mmpphh..total hotness.

Love is...

2009-06-28T04:07:00.004+01:00

...a gambling game of hearts.

Secrets of democracy

2009-06-24T18:31:00.004+01:00

There's no denying that everybody have their own fair share of secrets. There's no denying that some of those secrets are denied within one's self because one just wouldn't want to accept the truth if it ever comes out. The reality of what people would or would not think of one.

When it comes to democracy, a quick check on miss wiki (i call it miss coz only women talk that much..yes..hang me now!) says this:

Democracy is a form of government in which the right to govern is held by the majority of citizens within a country or a state. It is derived from the Greek δημοκρατία (dēmokratía (info)), "popular government",^[1] which was coined from δῆμος (dêmos), "people" and κράτος (krátos), "rule, strength" in the middle of the fifth-fourth century BC to denote the political systems then existing in some Greek city-states, notably Athens following a popular uprising in 508 BC.^[2]

Take note where it defines democracy as "popular government". OK. So, secrets and democracy. How does what i just mentioned about secrets have to do with democracy?

I think secrets, more often than not, the ones that are really really dark ones, are actually kept shut because it relates closely to the bearer of the secret. And that it is emotionally inclined not to be disclosed for that it will have a detrimental effect to the bearer as "people" take place in the judgement (if any). Hence, technically, people are prone to keep secrets in order to appear to be a part of a self-imposed "democracy".

Hence, the lay men psychological term would be "lying to yourself". That's what my father will always say to me anyway. I give you an example. I was queuing up to get my passport validated from the singaporean imigression this morning. While waiting patiently, there's a small little girl, probably bout the age of 2 was running around. She's excited that she saw some other kids playing and she wants to be a part of it. Nevertheless, the parents, being quite stuck, or probably rushing to get the wait over and done with was saying sternly to her "Please Kelly, don't. Stay here". She repeated it 3 times. Mum's voice gets harder every single time. So Kelly just stay. Pouting like how kids are politically correct to do so. At the same time, in front of them, there's another couple with a kid who's around the same age. The kid, who's a he, wanted to play around too. And the mother happily obliged and say.."Go then, just don't get too far".Hearing this, suddenly the mother just smile and say.."Kelly, go and play with them".

So, i was like "wow". I mean, ok...we see that all the time. Because when it comes to kids, they hold the "i can be a nasty jerk whenever i want, wherever i want" passport. And everybody tolerates and validates it. Some will think they are cute, some will just move away. No one will actually questioned the kid. BUT..they will question the parents of the kid.

My point is, secretly you are a stern mother. Fine. Stick to it. I believe that your kids gonna grow up better. But don't be a hypocrite all of the sudden just so that you will appear to be a mum that watches Oprah and secretly adolizing to be Mother Theresa.

BUT..a big but is:

Everybody loves democracy. So behind closed doors, you can be anyone that you can be. Behind closed doors, you're actually being yourself. Behind closed doors, more often that not, you're being thruthful to yourself and just MAYBE, you might be thinking clearer about your life and how you want it to be. Often that not, it all goes awol once you open the door. Because all of the sudden, democracy creeps in and you feel that you're Obama and everybody knows you and judging you. So you straight away pull yourself together and become Oscar winners.

The reality is, this is part of human beings that we can't change. Though realizing it will be great too. Just because all your friends are gay, doesn't mean that you have to bend over. Just because all your friends are drinking milk, that doesn't mean you will have to meet the doctors and find a cure from being lactose intolerant. Peer pressure are exactly what it is called - PRESSURE. Like a pressure cooker, the pressure works because you're putting the lid extremely tight. And the longer you cook it with the amount of the pressure, the worst it gets. Pressure are like tight air. You want off of it, get out of it. Open the lid. Cut the fire.

Secrets are meant to be secrets. Just try to make sure that you're not keeping it because you don't want or assumed what you going to lose from people that don't even know you. At the end of the day. We are alone. Face that fact. Brutal truth.

Japan GT Race

2009-06-21T15:33:00.003+01:00

It was a great day. Tiring but fun. Check out the pictures below and more when you click on it.

Meet Sana, one of 2 Japan GT Queens for 2009.

Also Hafiz aka Pmad. Thank you for buying the tickets for me mate!

Moving as it is

2009-06-20T14:10:00.002+01:00

It has been hard for me to write something down here for a while. I thank you to all of you who have wished me well after the accident. Externally, ive been able to crack jokes and give countless presentations without people thinking that i'm crazy since the accident. Thank you for the wishes, may God bless you all.

Hello Death

2009-05-19T10:16:00.006+01:00

I didn't wanna go to Ipoh.

Me, mum and dad went for breakfast. Mum keeps on mentioning about my cousin in Ipoh. I didn't wanna go. But i felt more and more guilty for not wanting to drive her there.After a while, i said-

"Alright mum, let's go. I drive you there. But ask dad if we can take his merc up".

I asked my dad. He said "Ok, no problem. Any saman, you pay". So we went home. While she packed some stuff to give my cousin, i was already in the car, warming it up. 10am sharp we departed from home.

The traffic wasn't bad on the Saturday.From Kajang reaching Jalan Duta Toll took me half an hour. At 10.30 am, we were already passing the toll, strolling through the North-South Highway. We talked. We bitched. We didn't stop to eat or pee. By 11.45 am, we reached Simpang Pulai Toll, paid RM24.80 and went straight ahead to Ipoh city. We didn't know how to go to Pantai hospital but with my mum's direction, we managed to find it. Then we spent another 30 minutes to find a parking space in the hospital area. 12.30 am, we were already in my cousin's room.

By 1.30pm, we were off. I was thinking of Shah's tahlil in the evening. I think Izwal texted me on it. At about 2pm, we reached Tapah's rest place. Ate mee soup and prayed there. By 2.45pm we were off to Kuala Lumpur after pumping RM50 worth of gas in the car.

We passed Bidor. It started to rain. Just drizzling. I slowed down the car while we continue talking about stuffs. I felt good coz it was the right decision to go in the first place. Just passed Slim River's exit..the road is slightly wet and i slowed down some more to just under 90kmph.

Was going through a corner when i saw there's a thin puddle of water on the road. I slowed, hit the brakes mildly. Then it went through the puddle and suddenly the tyre swerved to the left side of the road. I hold on to the steering tightly, trying to control it. Hard. I push down the brake some more and suddenly the grip wasn't there. I pull the steering to the right side as it is bringing the car to the left and it continue skidded and the car was already facing the wrong side of the road..my mum shouted.."Annas!!!!!!" and then, the car hit the small drain at the side of the road.

The car flipped through the air once, i kept holding the steering, I can see the land from upside down. I can hear my mum shouted "Allah, Allah, Allah!". I looked at her, she was closing her eyes. I shouted back.."Mak!!!" She didn't answer. Then..

BANG! the car hit the ground and flipped another time. My head hit the steering wheel and the rear mirror. I can feel that my mum hit me. She shouted.."Allah, Allah, Allah!" I knew she is still ok. And then i just closed my eyes. I just didn't know what to do and thought "Hello Death".

BANG! the car hit the ground and flipped down the hill. My head hit something that i didn't know. I didn't see. I was already reciting the Kalimah Syahadah in my head a few times. And..

BANG! the car stopped. I opened my eyes. Smoke everywhere. I can't hear a thing. I saw the windows all broken to pieces. The front bonet was opened can cracked in the middle. I turned to my left and saw my mum, hanging lose to the safety belt. Her side of the airbag opened. I shouted "Mak!!!!" and what felt like a long distance answer, i started to hear.She answered.."Mak ok", faintly. She looked at me and asked me "Annas, are you ok?" I said.."I think so..let me find my phone".I then heard the car making some alarm noise. Tett, tett, tett. Constantly.

I grabbed my phone inside my left pocket and tried to find my dad's mobile number. Suddenly a a drop of blood hit my phone screen. I just wiped it off and called my dad. He answered. My heart was pumping like mad.I told him we were somewhere near Slim River, south way. He was screaming. I said, please help us. I couldn't hear him well.

I turned to my mum, she couldn't get out from the seat belt. I went to search for the button. Found it and set her loose. She fell on me and thats when i realized that the driver side of the car was on the bottom side. She straight away took out her mobile and dialled 999. She was begging for help.

I told her to try get out from the car through the smashed car window. She tried and suddenly a hand grabbed her. 2 guys were there to help her. I went out next. And i saw that two guys starring at me like i have A(H1N1). I turned around and saw my reflection through the wet car door. Blood was all over my face.

I walked further from the car. I didn't say a word. Too many things went through my mind that it is no longer making sense. I didn't know what to do or what to feel. I turned around and saw my mum keeps on calling people. She's really are ok, i said to myself. Then, i saw the car.

It was smashed to pieces. The bonet was crushed to the inside of the car. All the windows were broken to pieces. The roof was cracked in between. The headlights was all over the place. It was crushed to pieces. The car stopped at the side of a cemetery.Then suddenly, my thoughts started making senses.

We were in a horrible accident. And we survived.

I hugged my mum so tight and started crying. She hold me so strong and said "it's ok...it's ok."

Should I, should i not?

2009-05-10T03:25:00.002+01:00

I want this. well, i want other model but this one i can "afford".I need 10 justifications.

13.3 inch Macbook. 2.4 ghz.Nvidia geforce graphics 9400.

Should i?

Vulnerable

2009-05-09T09:07:00.002+01:00

Misery loves company. Vulnerability becomes me.

A friend of mine asked me "Why do guys like vulnerable girls?"

I don't know about other guys. But personally, i don't like overly vulnerable girls. Nevertheless, i do believe that vulnerability can be charming and makes the person more approachable and it somehow projects warmth. It makes them human.

I was watching a movie starring Joaquin Phoenix - Two Lovers. Co-starring is Gwyneth Paltrow and Vinessa Shaw. Leonard (Phoenix) was suicidal when his fiance left him. He then live with his parents who was setting him up with their friends' daughter - Sandra (Shaw). Then came Michelle (Paltrow), who were having an affair with her lawyer boss who doesn't want to leave his wife for her. The only sane people here is Sandra. Others are fucked up people. But they connect. Misery loves company indeedy. He loved Michelle. Sandra loves him. Michelle used him. Nothing special bout this movie. I'm just a sucker for New York movie and Gwyneth Paltrow.

Nothing can prepare anyone for what entails in the future. Take He's just not into you for instance. When it happens, it just happens. I for one who is a non-believer of true love believes that at the end of the day, it depends on the individual. It works if both party wanna make it work. Why you wanna make it work? Probably ethics and common sense. I think it's better to be in control when you're not. It's better to have both feet on the ground when everything is just so grey. I enjoyed this movie a lot. It somehow managed to bring out a diverse kinds of emotions in a span of less than 2 hours which is just unbelievable. Recommended indeedy.

On a another note:
I'm selling my D80 and Nikon 70-300 VR lens. Dirt cheap.Anybody interested? Drop me a line.

Inspiring

2009-05-02T03:34:00.001+01:00

Wow..the last time i wrote something was more than a month ago huh?

Neways, a friend of mine showed me this clip. I think it's inspiring. What you guys think?

Often

2009-04-05T14:13:00.003+01:00

For the past 2 weeks, i've been coming home pretty, pretty late. Good thing about going home late is that there's no traffic to worry about. Save on fuel. Or is it? Not when you're driving at 140 kmph at 11 o'clock at night. I went out from home quite early too. Basically, i never see the light of day. Maybe during lunch hour,IF i go out.

So, when weekend comes, when i have that tiny little bit of time to myself, i just doze off. Felt like i've been draining myself the whole week and psychologically knowing that i dont have to wake up early on a saturday, my body just went - "OK, sleep mode to eternity? ON!".

I enjoy my work. I really do. But i do know that it is affecting my social life be it family or otherwise. All i wanna do is just sit down with them and catch up over a nice hot cup of coffee.

It's my fault really. I hate texting. I hate not being able to concentrate when i'm talking to another person. But i do try sometimes. It's just not enough. And i hate having to choose between i HAVE to do and what i'm SUPPOSED to do.

Sigh. I'm just venting. Coz i dont have friends anymore.

I'm sad.

Ride

2009-03-29T15:36:00.006+01:00

"Maybe we need to be messed up, before we can step up"
- quote from Grey's Anatomy.

I totally agree with that statement. It reminds me of a rollercoster ride i had when i went to the US 2 years ago. I've always seen rollercoasters, you know, the huge one where the lanes are being supported by piles of planks,block of woods, criss-crossing between each other. And it's always in the US. Never can be found in Malaysia. So, 2 years ago, i was there, Cedar Point theme park. And i remembered being scared shitless while queueng. My heart was pumping really hard but my head keep on telling myself to keep it cool and just go through it. It keeps telling me, there's only 2 outcomes out of this ride. One, i will have a huge adrenaline rush and i will go through it with having one of the most exciting ride in my life. Two, i could die. Which, it's not something really an option that i can choose to take anyway. If He wants me dead, i'm dead, right? So, i went in. And i screamed like a girl. I just let go. I screamed to the top of my corrupted lungs. I felt my stomach going up and down, while i strongly holds the wedges that i had earlier in it greatly. I had fun. I had a real good time.

The thing is, it's about going through it that's interesting. It's the anticipation. It's the ride itself. Knowing that you somehow, imaginatively you can imagine how's the ride gonna go, but you wouldn't exactly know HOW it is until you go through it. It's a risk of course. But why limit yourself?

All these years, you've been bounded by rules and regulations. By your parents, schools, friends, roads, police. Not to say that rules are bad. But you go around it. Even you have to be a certain height, you can't be pregnant or have any heart problems before going for a rollercoaster ride. And for what? to be scared shitless? You have to pay for the ride, felt scared shitless, take the risk of either throwing up or die. Is it even worth it?

I'd say it is. Coz no one can take away the fun you have when you touch down back on the ground.

So you see, like a rollercoaster, you will always be binded by rules in life. like a rollercoaster, there will be cost you will have to pay. like a rollercoaster ride, you will have to go through the ups and downs in life. Like a rollercoaster, you will always to stomach in all the shit you get in life. Because why? when you survive it, so long you live, you will have the time of your life.

Death

2009-03-24T14:33:00.003Z

I think about it quite frequently. i've visualized how i would die and i imagined who would be attending my funeral. It humbled me. It made me think straight. At some point, it motivated me.

Lately, i've been thinking about it all the time. Which made me a bit scared because most of the time, when something came into my mind, constantly, unnecessarily, it happens. And its never a good dream come true kind of thing, it's always the bad things.

But just for kicks, let me just say all this things below. In case IT inevitably happens.

1. I love my parents. Whole heartedly. Without them, I will not be where i am today. They have nurtured me to hold and carry the name Annas Muazzam Mohammed Sani. And i am proud to be their son.

2. I love both of my siblings. I admire my sister's strength and i envy my brother's patience.

3. I love Yunni. Through good or bad times, through bad or worst, to a point of total give up, i can't deny that she holds half of me.

4. To my friends Abbas, Ahong, Fadh and Jonet, and the rest of you guys moulded me and made me a better man. Love you guys.

5. To my friends at work, you've made me stronger. My respect to you all.

6. To my manager Amy, you made me see. I'm glad that i can also call you my friend.

I am truly sorry for everything. I have made mistakes that i'm not proud of. I hope when i go, i don't feel any regrets.

No worries. This is just for kicks. =)

Epidemic

2009-03-15T13:23:00.004Z

The disease keeps on spreading to an extent it is now an epidemic. Good one though. It's like weed. It's a good thing.Anyways..

Congratulations to Ahmad Fareodzollah and Farah Wahida
aka Yedott and aka Badark
on their wedding!

Honoured to be part of it =)

Click the rings for more! =)

Sleep

2009-02-27T17:03:00.004Z

Today a friend of mine branded moi as a workaholic.

When i heard that, well..actually read that, i thought "Damn, i'm really my dad's son".

I never had really branded my dad as a workaholic. But i always see him as someone that has always believed and passionate about his work. Teaching has always been his thing. Whether it is to a kindergarten or to PhD holders, he taught them well. Personally, he has been the greatest teacher ever in my life.

Talking about work, i haven't been getting enough sleep lately. Maybe it's my bed..i think the mattress's springs are loose or something. But mainly because i've been thinking about work the minute before i go to sleep and the minute after i get off sleep. It's like how young straight boys thinking about how it feels to have sex with a girl kinda thing. Well, not actually like that since i don't really get off by thinking about work, but the timing kinda are a coincidence.

But, how ever frustrating it is at work at times, i feel that i'm proud as well. I know i'm doing ok bit by bit..and that i can see the progress within. I'm not as good as how i want to be, but hey, babies dont go out and run straight out from the womb right? It's like a nice long forelay before reaching ultimate climax. Please forgive the sexual innuendos. It's 1.12am.

i can't wait for the 14th of the third month. My friends are getting married and i'm taking their photos. And now, after i'm working, i love my photography even more because that's the only time where my mind don't wander about work.

But i miss sleeping. Wish i could sleep as soundly as this:

Default

2009-02-25T14:13:00.003Z

I was thinking that being a going-to-be 26 year old man is not too bad. I would say that given my "short" experience in this world, i've lived to see and experienced a lot of things. At the same time, i've lived and experienced mistakes, hardships that i believe made me a better man.

Born as a malay, raised as a Muslim in Malaysia has its own merits as compared to muslims at other places. There are things, cultural things within the Malays community that are very thinly described as something that is as important as religion. For example, there's no such thing as "engagement" in Islam. Yet, it is religiously followed amongst the malays community up to a point where people can questioned - "Wajibkah bertunang?" ("Is engagement compulsory?"). And the person who is supposed to be old enough hence wise and knowledgeable, just raise his's/her's heads up, contemplating more that 5 minutes whats the right answer.

So yeah, being an overseas graduate does made me experienced a lot of cultural differences. Yet, i understood that it is somehow an individual prerogative to practise what they belief. Let say, a malay, muslim girl goes on to study down under for 2 or 3 years. During that period of time, she has "livened" herself up by venturing into the world alcoholism. My personal take would be, as a fellow malay and muslim,yes, i will not encourage her nevertheless NOR would i detest her. I believe that it is an individual choice. I know not many people would agree with me. But hey...

However, it is also MY choice not to drink. Coz for me it is against my religion. So i expect if there's any other malays that are muslim, especially from my own country to respect that choice. After all, apart from religious wise, it is actually as close to call as it is a cultural aspect of a malay muslim life in Malaysia. So yeah, the default setting would be that malay muslim doesn't drink. I repeat..it should be the default setting.

I'm not naive nor that i'm blind. If you go to Hartamas, i can be as equivalent as a holy man. But what i'm saying is that, i don't care what you do, but just don't assumed i'm part of it just because you're doing it or the fact that i'm just as cool. In this case, i'm not cool anymore. Get out from your close casket and realized that not everyone that are religious would wear sarong and wear kopiah. We can be wearing jeans, making jokes and listening to Muse or Smashing Pumpkins. We are not orthodox. We can be modern and still adhere to our beliefs.

So. Live your life. But know where you come from and learn who you're facing with everyday. Coz everyone of us have our own default settings, bearing in cultural and religious beliefs.

Taken

2009-02-08T16:24:00.004Z

The trailer intrigued me and for that i've committed a crime.

"Taken" is an action thriller movie, directed by Pierre Morel and written by the infamouse Luc Besson and Robert Mark Kamen. Find further information here.

If you have taken the liberty to follow the link, or you have watched the trailer before, than you would know the synopsis by now. Yes, it's an action thriller. Yes, it's about a father, retired spy trying to save his long-abandoned-because-of-work spoilt, selfish 17 year old daughter from being a nice late night cuisine called "Five hundred thousand dollars virgin girl" off a filthy fat rich Arab.

I really like the movie. I think, the director has managed to translate the father's emotion into this movie. How the talented Liam Neeson, so cool and calm, managed to ransacked Paris, revealing that underneath the beautiful lovely city, an underground prostitution ring, levelling from the worst 40 Euro for a full service to a discreet young virgins bidding war amongst the rich and filthy.

It's a very interesting action thriller. I've enjoyed it. Fisting my fingers together while hammering my teeth while watching it. The mother, and the daughter...hmmm..i have my reservations.

Nevertheless, I recommend this movie. To emphasize again, the actions are superb. Kudos.

.I will like to celebrate 66.
Without the extra 6 of course.

Dupli-dug

2009-02-07T12:04:00.002Z

I was browsing through my contacts' latest pictures on flickr when i spotted one of the thumbnails showing this pic...

...and I thought..scary shit, at first glance, i thought it was me. No? Paranoid?

The picture was taken by one of my flickr contacts - Alforque

Gray or Blue?

2009-02-02T02:43:00.002Z

I'm a sucker for romantic movies. Shoot me. Found the sound below in "Serendipity".

Gray or Blue - Jaymay

I feel so helpless now, my guitar is not around
And I'm strugglin with the xylophone to make these feelings sound
And I'm remembering you singing and bringing you to life
It's raining out the window and today it looks like night

You haven't written to me in a week I'm wondering why that is
Are you too nervous to be lovers, friendships ruined with just one kiss
I watched you very closely I saw you look away
Your eyes are either gray or blue I'm never close enough to say

But your sweatshirt says it all with the hood over your face
I can't keep staring at your mouth without wondering how it tastes
I'm with another boy; he's asleep, I'm wide awake
And he tried to win my heart, but it's taken time

I know the shape of your hands because I watch them when you talk
And I know the shape of your body 'cause I watch it when you walk
And I want to know it all but im giving you the lead
So go on, go on and take it, don't fake it, shake it

(Charming,
Crazy eyes have you,
Are they gray or blue,
I wont make the move,
You must make the move,
If you make the move,
I will then approve,
If you do not move,
We will surely lose)

Don't second guess your feelings you were right form the start
And I notice she's your lover, but she's nowhere near your heart
This city is for strangers, like the sky is for the stars
But I think it's very dangerous if we do not take whats ours

And I'm winning you with words because I have no other way
I want to look into your face without your eyes turnin away
Last night I watched you sing because a person has to try
And I walked home in the rain because a person cannot lie

Slumdog Millionaire

2009-01-27T15:59:00.004Z

I would have written about Ip Man for it has been a long time since i last felt overwhelmingly inspired by a movie.

But after watching Slumdog Millionaire, i would think that this movie deserves to get an Oscar. Maybe not for the best actor or even actress. I don't even know what categories this movie has been nominated for. All i know that there's 10 nominations for this movie and i hope it wins at least one of them.

It successfully captured the depth of emotions. Depression, oppression, hardship, tears, sacrifices, greed, gluttony, hunger, education, wealth, religion and above all - Love, in the most extravagant way.

The cinematography is just superb. The assimilation between east and west, done in the most intimate detail, capturing every bit of emotions, radiating through out the movie. I even loved the very last part where they had the "traditional" Bollywood trademark dance. Thinking that the movie is directed by a white guy - Danny Boyle.

I highly recommend this movie. HIGHLY.

Simply superb.

Love...

2009-01-24T13:52:00.000Z

...of a kind.

Pre 2003

2009-01-24T13:26:00.002Z

I love my college years. The results, i'm not so proud of. But the time i had there was great. Made a few really great friends along the way too.

But one thing the same as today, i don't have late nights hang outs with friends. Even with all my fingers and toes, the statistics still don't add up. But i do hang out alone. I like doing things alone. Or the most, just with one other person. I treasure the closeness by just having another mate compared to have a bunch of them.

So today, i watched a movie...alone. Lots of my friends asked me before on how i can go and watch a movie alone. It is something that is so damn alien to them. i said, hey..you buy the ticket, buy a popcorn and a coke and just walk into the right cinema. Sit down and enjoy the movie. What's the big deal?

But today, it made me reminisce those days pre 2003. To be exact pre august 8th 2003.

Coz after that, i never watched a movie alone. Up till today.

It's kinda sucks.

Bummer.

Understand

2009-01-10T12:49:00.002Z

"...When I can, I will
Words defy the plan
When I can, I will

Fool enough to almost be it
And cool enough to not quite see it
And old enough to always feel this
Always old, Ill always feel this

No more promise no more sorrow
No longer will I follow
Can anybody hear me
I just want to be me
When I can, I will
Try to understand
That when I can, I will..."

Mayonaise - Smashing Pumpkins.

Odd things comes in 3

2009-01-10T01:51:00.003Z

3 friends got married at 3 different times.

That 3 friends had their first born child.

The 3 children was born on the 23rd, 24th and 25th December 2008.

Synching to the max!

Maternal Connection

2009-01-04T14:39:00.003Z

Tender.

Click picture for more of Mohamad Mika.

To all my readers (few of you) - Welcome to Year 2009.

studio?

2008-12-27T17:51:00.001Z

Nampak cam studio shot, no?

Joyous Indeedy!

2008-12-25T05:45:00.002Z

Congratulations Junaidi & Shuhada for their newly born baby boy:

Elyas Muhammad Junaidi

( Tak sure la plaks nama penuh ape. I just knew that his name is Elyas)

Neways..CONGRATULATIONS! Jonet Jr. is here!

Cutie Pie...

2008-12-13T04:35:00.004Z

...ain't she?

G'day!

2008-12-08T10:00:00.001Z

Anybody can guess where i am right now?

Savings

2008-11-29T14:40:00.002Z

Everybody is talking about the financial turmoil someway or another at every corner everyday.

Government, merchants, banks, hawkers, airlines etc. etc are doing their part to ensure that every single cent earned by the masses are to spent to them - in order to stimulate the economy.

I remember reading in a very famous blog by our former leader saying that what is happening on the price of crude oil in the global market was somehow raised by speculation. The price of fuel at that point was sub RM2 per litre. But yeah, being a former leader means that he is by "protocol" to be "formerly" listened as well. Hence, the price went up sky high. Now, on the other hand, the trend of the price is going down. Thank God of course. But then, the price of other commodities are not. It's quite easy to bring up all the prices, but it's damn-elephant-glue sticky to bring it down.

Well, i'm sure ministry of finance had, has, presently and will be doing what is necessary for the country. =)

Movies

Love Guru - I think the movie is funny. Marishka Hargitay.

Twillight - I was so sure that i was gonna fell asleep in the cinema. Somehow, it was interesting enough to keep me awake. Hey, Kirsten Stewart is the heroine la..come on! I'll recommend this movie. But just.

Madagascar 2 - I didn't watch the first one. I'm not a big fan of cartoon but i did enjoy the movie.

Quantum of Solace - It is no longer a James Bond film. It's a nice action movie but it's not longer James Bond.

Pineapple Express - Too slow for my taking. Kinda spastic for my liking.

God, my life is so damn boring right now, i can't even think of anything interesting to write about. Maybe this pic will cheer you up.

At the launch of "Malaysia's Savings Sale".
Pavillion, Kuala Lumpur. Yesterday.

Another one bites the dust!

2008-11-01T17:42:00.004Z

Ahmad Faiz and Wan Syahira Ellani? (Sorry la Syira, i never nailed down the real spelling!)

Anyways, Selamat Pengantin Baru. Semoga ke anak cucu. Beware of Chot! =D

and thank you both for inviting me.

Broken

2008-10-27T04:31:00.003Z

The Ted and I

2008-10-27T02:31:00.007Z

Last weekend i went for one of Ted Adnan's famous lighting workshop.

I went to one of his outdoor workshop before but i wanted to know more about studio lighting etc. etc.

The good thing was, i met Reza, another photographer that was there who were..i don't know..journalising the whole workshop session for Ted. But he was there taking lotsa photograph with his 40D and 85mm f1.2 lens. Also with his Leica M6. He brought along his Macbook as well, after taking a few photos of us, he straight away processed them with Lightroom.

He takes black and whites. And i was amazed to see his photos. He said.."the world is my studio" when i asked him whether he has his own studio. From his pictures, i can see that his photos are full of life, capturing details of emotions and flair of life. I asked him whether he takes weddings, he said.."i try not to". I'm not sure why, for i would love to have him take my wedding photos. *No, i'm not getting married anytime soon*. But the quest to find a good photographer remains unchartered. Below: Ted (left) with Reza modelling for us. To show, one light can still be good enough for 2 subjects.

I was quite dissapointed that the model didnt come for the workshop. Ted was dissapointed too but then again..still a HUGE bummer for me. However, i did have fun. Also, learned a few new things.

-----------------

Anyways...when your desire is somehow constricted, you have to have lots of patience.

In my case, i've been eyeing for the D300 since it was launch. I got it now. Then..i realized that i don't have a CF card. Not that i didn't realized that i needed one but because of ahem..constricted thingy i mentioned. But now, i got the CF already.

As happy as a duck playing in a pond at Taman Tasik Titiwangsa, after playing with the D300..i realized that i don't have a CF card reader.

So yeah..patience is an annoying virtue when coupled with stupidity.

I wish you love

2008-10-18T02:23:00.000+01:00

I wish you bluebirds in the spring
To give your heart a song to sing
And then a kiss, but more than this
I wish you love

And in July a lemonade
To cool you in some leafy glade
I wish you health
But more than wealth
I wish you love

My breaking heart and I agree
That you and I could never be
So with my best
My very best
I set you free

I wish you shelter from the storm
A cozy fire to keep you warm
But most of all when snowflakes fall
I wish you love

But most of all when snowflakes fall

I wish you love
I wish you love
I wish you love

- From Rachael Yamagata version -

Shut

2008-10-12T06:55:00.002+01:00

This teething period is just too overwhelming for me.

I know i'll be ok in a period of time. But i know by that time it's all too late for me.

I guess, at this time...the door is shut.

Sexy

2008-10-10T12:23:00.006+01:00

Money is sexy.

But how is it dirty?

God's willing, i have come to a point of time where i feel i'm ok financially. I used the word Ok, because being a student, even when i was working part time, there were few occasions where i was in desperate need of money.Alhamdulillah, now i am ok.

But it is not without anything tagged to it. In a more exaggerating term, i would have to say that i am somehow a slave. Not a slave to a person per se, but more to idea of being able to maintain a certain level of lifestyle that i choose to be. But then again, it's not that i'm spending thousands on one Coach handbag am i?. It will be weird if i do don't i? Then again..i wouldn't put it off entirely.

For someone who has been attached to the idea of never being afraid to talk in public, i have come to notice that the attachment is rather useless at this point of time. In order to maintain my lifestyle, i have to do my job well and in doing my job, i have to negotiate, convince and more importantly persuade few other parties to believe me. Therefore, it is imperative that i am to be stupid and arrogant and call myself a politician.

Being a politician is given in the olden days. Now, every politician must have a list of academic credentials on top of being the old cows for mooing a lot to the public. They must produce a certain quality of "milk" in order to persuade the masses to believe in the quality of "product". Ok..i somehow deviated too far off my metaphor.

Anyways..just this morning, I left my wallet at home. Usually, i just cramp a crumpled sets of RM1 notes in my pocket because in Malaysia, places that sells newspapers do not accept Switch card. Hence, coins and physical notes are essential in a Malaysian daily life. I didn't have any today.

I like working clothes. It somehow made me feel that a waiter at a mamak stall will put my order on the table nicely. So this morning, i was without money.But i didn't realize that up until i wanted to pay for my order of one plate of nasi lemak. I've been wanting to try the nasi lemak at this place since the last one week, i saw herds of people queuing to buy it. So i was curious. After i realized that i am without money, i felt dormant. So i said nicely to the lady -

"Sorry, i have to cancel my order since i have no money to pay.I left my wallet at home" - (in BM of course.and yes..i've said too much). Then suddenly, out of nowhere, an old lady on my side gracefully said..

"Aww, nevermind son, I'll treat you. I'll pay for the nasi lemak and here's RM1 for you to buy a cup of coffee" - again..in BM of course.

I refused. But she didn't take no for an answer. I thought..who would have thought. I felt like it was a sign from God that just wanted me to feel human again. And i saw how Sexy it is to have money. How sexy it is to be a slave. Quote me on this, i don't mind.

So yeah, money is sexy and can be dirty. Only that, it depends on you. If you feel that all your hard work pays you handsomely and that no one deserves to share your wealth, that i would say it is dirty. But if you feel that you're just a mere human being in this world and that you're working hard not just for self wealth gain but also to contribute to the betterment of others..it is definitely sexy to me.

Imagine having no money..and not being to taste this:

It would have been a torcherous experience ain't it?

Joy

2008-10-01T15:05:00.004+01:00

1 Syawal 1049 Hijrah passed by in a breeze. Where i was expecting to feel a joyous feeling of finally been able to eat in the middle of the day, i actually discover that i'm not the centre stage of this joyous day anymore. I discover that i'm happy to see kids happy. I discovered that i enjoy watching my nephews being deliriously happy with all the duit raya and kuih and ketupat and all that.

Yes, they annoy me. I can't deny that i'm not the best man when it comes to children. They annoy me so fast that i feel like smacking them just to shut them up.

But these 'notorious' kids have one thing that sadly i have lost - innocence.

Their cries are genuine. Their smiles are from heaven and their reactions are straight from their hearts and minds. Pure innocence.

I somehow can finally have a slight understanding some young mothers and fathers get carried away when it comes to their children. It is somehow interesting to have the power to mould a new life in life. However, i would think that there is a huge fear surrounding when every single knowledge that one want to instill in their children might end up backfiring in the future. I would imagine that one question will pop up in these young parents head - "Am I doing the right thing here?" But yeah, it is overwhelming. Yet, so damn heavy responsibility sitting on it.

But when you could make them smile like this picture here..everything seemed so worthwhile..

Don't you think?

New cycle

2008-10-01T01:07:00.002+01:00

I figured this time around things will be different.

I feel empowered to make a change in my life.

What do you feel?

Aidilfitri

2008-09-28T15:32:00.002+01:00

To all my friends, where ever you are..i would like to wish you all

.Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri.
.Maaf Zahir dan Batin.

Damn, it has been 5 years since i last anyam a ketupat. I still got it! =)

What's new?

2008-09-21T02:11:00.002+01:00

Wow..i'm exhausted of watching too many tv series in one go over this weekend!

Dexter is out..mysterious as ever. Burn Notice is as cool as ever. House..it's great already.Prison Break..happy to have the doctor back! Weeds..although it's on its final episode of usually short season..it has been great as well! Entourage...damn..i miss how the boys roll! One Tree Hill..Chandler would say.."Could the series BE any drama?"

Anyways..Beverly Hill 90210 is back. They took out Beverly Hills and just put the postcode as the title instead. I used to watch the show when Brandon, Brenda, Dylan, Kelly were the main casts.Brenda and Kelly are in the new series too, but how long they are gonna stay remains uncertain. But one thing for sure, i can't wait for Dylan to make an appearance! hahaha.

He was like THE James Dean of the time. I have always dreamed that i can be like him. hahaha.How cliche. But no, i didn't get to be like him. I guess, no one can emulate that cool,rebellious, sexy personality. It is more like an innate thing. I probably should stop before i sound gay. But hey, guys do check out other guys too y'know? Just that, usually we don't talk about it. Come on, don't tell me you rockstar wannabes out there never thought of becoming Kurt Cobain or Chris Martin or Billy Corgan for one second of your life. Ok, I gotta say, I have never met someone who wants to be Billy Corgan.

Selingan..*I hate the new facebook lay out*

So back to 90210. The new screwed up brats are a bit high school musical-ish to me. I remember the old one was edgier. More like truly young adults that are still in high school. The new one, it doesn't have that "filthy rich kids have a effed-up life"-cloudy-aura in it. It's too happy. Even the drama is quite messed-up, it still has that slight Disney's - Happiest place on earth-mood wrapped around it.Maybe i listened way too much of Smashing Pumpkins. Maybe i need to take the groove back and listen to Metallica back. Or maybe scream Hey Hey You You like Ms Avril. Oopss..she's a Mrs now ain't she?

Looking forward to Grey's Anatomy, Nip Tuck, How I Met Your Mother and Heroes to post their new season. Ahh..i can see my happy weekends ahead! haha.

Diana Krall is performing in KL on the 2nd of October. I really wanna go! I assume there's still tickets left since it is freaking expensive - cheap seats at the back going for as 'low' as RM288. Yeah..i know..it's like 40 quid. But nopes, i'm not earning B&Q's dough anymore. Bluerghh. Donations..anyone? Appreciate it...pwease~~~ with cherry on the top!

Stigma

2008-09-17T13:52:00.002+01:00

Kawan baik aku sejak masuk Uni dulu ialah satu laman web bernama www.dictionary.com. Aku ingat lagi, before aku fly, bapak aku beli kamus mini Oxford. "Penting!" katanya. But apparently, my closest friend - PC berinternet, lebih mengenali diri ini. Jadiknya, hingga ke saat ini, kamus mini itu masih seperti baru lagi.

So, mengikut laman web itu, stigma bermaksud "a mark of disgrace or infamy; a stain or reproach, as on one's reputation". Atau pun bak kata orang melayu - arang dah diconteng ke mukalah.

Lantas, aku teringat beberapa insiden. Yang terbarunya berlaku kurang dari 3 jam yang lalu. Aku berada di Pavillion. Aku ingat nak makan kat gelanggang makanan (food court), namun aku lihat, tiada lagi tempat duduk. 5 minit lagi nak bukak puasa. Aku pun naiklah atas, pergi coffee bean, lepak kejap sambil menghirup udara "segar". Sayugia datanglah 2 orang perempuan duduk di sebelah mejaku. Kedua-duanya bergaya mekap eksekutif, namun salah seorangnya bertudung-litup serta mengenakan jubah. "Indah, manis" hati kecilku berkata. Sedang aku melihat warga kosmopolitan lalu-lalang, aku terdengar bunyi Zippo. aku toleh ke kanan, aku lihat gadis manis lagi indah itu menyalakan rokok. "Wah.." aku terkedu seketika. Tidak keruan sama ada aku telah terperuk jauh, gagal duduk sama tinggi dengan fenomena baru wanita Islam. Aku juga keliru sama ada situasi itu mengecewakan aku atau mengghairahkan aku.

Dari satu segi, gambaran itu menunjukkan satu anjakan paradigma dalam mental manusia. Dimana, satu integrasi antara kelemahan dan kekukuhan iman umat Islam. Keadilan. An acceptance, although at the same time it was mind-numbing.

Sedang aku khayal dalam memikirkan isu psikologi yang bermain di mindaku, mencari jawapan untuk situasi itu, perkataan stigma muncul. Dan dalam diam, aku tersenyum, kerana, kita tidak boleh nafikan, kita melemparkan stigma pada manusia lain sepanjang hidup kita. Dan dalam menegakkan pendirian itu, kita leka yang stigma yang kita telah lemparkan itu terpantul kembali dan terpalit pada diri kita. Dengan kata mudahnya, kita "menjilat ludah sendiri". Lantas, aku nyalakan satu lagi batang rokok.

Lalu, aku mengambil konklusi, manusia secara tidak langsung mencari identiti sendiri. Dan dalam masa yang sama mahu "diterima" masyarakat. Ambil contoh "photography". Ianya satu subjek yang sungguh subjektif. Persamaan hanya akan timbul bila "penonton" gambar-gambar mengakui, gambar yang ditangkap seseorang itu cantik. Jadiknya, jika kita gabungkan elemen-elemen ini - Psikologi, identiti, masyarakat dan naluri manusia yang cenderung kepada kecantikan, jadiknya, kita boleh terima jika kita melihat berpuluhan "self-confessed" photographer menggalas kamera ditengkuk mereka. Bak kata rakanku yang sekarang ni harus dipanggil Zharif - "Style~".

I think at the end of the day, your true passion separates everything. How far you're willing to go , to sacrifice in order to maintain that passion of yours.

Dah lama rasanya tidak mengangkat kameraku. One month left before my next gig. I need to brush up. Weekend ni ade orang nak ikut aku strobist? hahaha.

Crush

2008-09-10T07:59:00.003+01:00

Twas very interesting to read Mala's currently latest blog. I said currently latest since there's a huge possibility that she will in the next half an hour or so, update her blog and the entry that i wanna mention here is no longer her latest blog. Hahha..sorry Mala! but it's cool la, since at least there's something to read out there and her entries are always very interesting anyways. (sorry yeah mademoiselle, my grammar memang teruk, hehe)

So, neways, she was mentioning about finding her ex-bf on facebook. I never had an ex-gf before..err..maybe i do..but hey..like friendster would 'sectorised' it - it's complicated la kan.

However, i did have crushes. But after carefully analysing all my crushes, they all have one thing in common. They are not like super hot but they definitely have super smiles. The kind of smile that is just mind-blowingly contagious. So yeah, i guess, that's my thang.

My workmates asked me during our induction week, what do you go for the first? Being me, at first hearing, my mind wondered to the destination of 'wonderland' John Mayer happily described, but actually... they were asking what's my preference la..so i told them, first, it has to be the smile. And naturally, they asked me why?

I said..imagine yourself and your love one on the bed..by the beach..and the glass door is open. It's in the wee morning when the sunlight just came through the white curtains breezing through the room. And you are facing her..she's still asleep while you're already awake. And suddenly, she wakes up..and after blinking her eyes, she smiles at you with the sweetest, honest smile. Not the kind of smile where the woman look satisfied and naughty..but the honest kind where you know she is happy because she is with you. Isn't it just blissful? Well, the settings might sound a bit fairytaled but hey..that moment..when she smile at you in the morning, when she has no make-up on and you're not being compounded by the thought of how hot her body is..when all you can see is her face, her eyes and strands of her hair on top of face smiling at you? It's possible. It's definitely not fairy tale.

But yeahlah..in the above example..certain things are what the economist would say fall into the category of ceteris paribus la.hahaha.

I guess, i'm just in the jiwang mood. Or just maybe, suddenly i have free time today. MC!

I wanted to share with you a poem i wrote..but unfortunately, it was in the burned harddisk.

Some other time then.

Ramadhan

2008-09-01T11:52:00.002+01:00

Wah, dah 5 tahun aku tak pergi ke pasar Ramadhan.

Well, aku tak carik banyak pun. Janji dapat beli roti boom dah cukup dah. Aku memang gila roti boom. Tapi time bulan Ramadhan je la. So, alhamdulillah, merasa jugak aku tahun ni.

Beratus-ratus orang datang ke pasar Ramadhan yang dekat dengan rumah aku ni. Yang peliknya, daripada 20 gerai yang bukak..ade dekat 5-6 kedai jual roti john. 5-6 kedai lagi jual murtabak.5-6 kedai lagi jual nasi ayam. So memang takdak differentiation la. Maybe sebab baru first day kot..tak tau lagi competition cemana. So seperti biasa harga barang pun naik sokmo. Nak buat macam mana. Inflation. Rasa kalau ada RM100 tu habis macam beli gula-gula hacks hitam.

Nasib baik hari ni cuti actually. Kalau tak, takleh nak bayang letih pergi kerja sambil puasa kat Malaysia ni. Tadi pun pergi office kejap pun dah ntah berapa kali dok menguap. Petang tadi pun sempat tido 2 jam. Kalau kat office nak tidoq mana?

Aku harap, dah bulan Ramadhan ni, sempat la aku nak bertarawikh lebih sikit. Rakan-rakan di perantauan...makan lah kebab. Juga ayam golek Lahore. Kerna, di sini ayam goleknya seribu tahun jauh tak leh lawan dengan ayam golek Lahore. hahaha.

Last but not least....

Selamat Berpuasa kepada semua umat Islam yang mengerjakannya.
Moga diterima ibadah oleh Allah S.W.T

Loyalty pays?

2008-08-20T14:11:00.003+01:00

I'm going through a challenging period of my life. Yes, my loyal readers (can count with jari one), my hiatus has been without vain. I'm basically trying to catch up what others learn in 4 years working in just 5 months. Well, to be brutally honest, they are expecting me to catch up by next week. So that's like what..10 days?

When i was in the audit firm, i came home late without any regrets. In the sense that, i feel that i've done all the things i needed to do for the day, knowing that there's a tonne more the next day. Now i came home slightly early than what i used to, but filled with regrets, knowing that i'm put at the position i am now with an extremely high expectation dumped on my shoulder.

A senior told me about his experience. He said.."It felt like i'm running really fast on a treadmill and yet the treadmill is always 3 times faster than me.It felt like everytime that i learn something new opens a whole bunch of chapters that i need to learn."

But at least, i can see the light. It's not an imagination. I can see the path that i CAN go to. Whether or not i manage to go to the light is a different matter. What matters is now - i can see the light. And it's a quite bright light too. However, i am concern about what kind of sacrifices that i have to do in order to reach that light. I hope that my family and friends and love one and also my photography will keep me on the ground.

A good friend of mine said that i've turned 180 degrees from wanting to serve the government to a corporate capitalist maniac. I refused to accept that. Maybe its the confusion of taking my enthusiasm to manage the expectations as more than it is. Then again, it did made me take a step back and think about it.

But nonetheless, i smile to hear my friends' success. I miss the simple life back in Bristol. I miss my good friends in UK. I miss being non-pretentious. Technically, loyalty do pay. For my case, it pays really well. But in the opposite perspective, I strongly hope that i can manage everyone that i care about at the same time. Arghh..balik la cepat woi. Eh no, balik right after 2010. 2010 insyaAllah i'm coming there.

The OBS

2008-08-03T13:40:00.004+01:00

I'm not really a big fan of putting myself under the sun and get sunburned. But since it was part of the induction program, i obliged myself to go for it. Plus, it's free. Plus, the last time i went to OBS was light years ago. I can't even recall what age i was back then.

The outward bound school was as expected. But the management and the instructors wasn't. They are nice,cool, laid back dudes and dudettes with loads of sunblock at home. Funny and experience people to add to that.

As my personal expectation, the place we've stayed was basic and dirty. I can tolerate the basic thingies but please la have it clean when we arrived. But nopes, i guess, cleaning it was part of the "experience" that we needed to learn. Yes people of OBS, we the cosmopolitans have touched and used brooms and mops before.

As expected, my "luscious" body was a birthday cake to all the mosquitoes. They were huge too. But i keep on amusing myself by remember jonet's mosquitoe-stuck-in-his-bulu story during our DOE.

Unexpectedly, the food was slightly above my expectation. Yes, they had the diluted milo and diluted sarsi just like the ol boarding school but they served ikan tenggiri! Since some of us didn't eat fish and saying tenggiri as "fish is just fish", i was above full that night eating other people's portion much to my delight.

Unexpectedly too that the activities was just OK. i was expecting so much more but since i can still hold both my eyes passed midnight everynight, that means i was not as tired as i was expecting to be. Some of us did feel that it was over bearing. But hey, maybe all the work in the gym paid off a bit in my part.

Met 6 new people in the group. They are from Singapore. Interesting bunch indeed. Personally thinks that Fifi and Andrea are really cool.

The activities? Hmm..Captain Ball was a fun morning work out. Poco-poco? my first dancing lesson. Couldn't synchronize though. Night walk? Boring, except for the last part. Teamwork activities? Hmm..oklah i guess. Whaler? Whole new experience. Fun and tiring to the max. Kayaking? a mud spa for me and cherie. Camping? Hmm..hmm...one of the worst la in my experience. Luckily it was only one night. Overall, my take of the OBS...the stuffs we did was ok, but the group made it fun,enjoyable and memorable for me. The instructors? Awesome people.

Nursing my sunburn now. Made me feel like peeling the skin on my face and feed it to the dogs. Bluerghh.

*Click on the pictures for more*

Oh, thanx to yewnee for lending me the Canon G9. Awesome camera. Might get one as my compact.

Blow me

2008-07-22T04:56:00.002+01:00

I come to think on how routine my life has been. At this point, the only point of life that i see is how to gain as much money as possible. And i hate that. Honestly hates it.

In the light of opportunities that has risen around me these couple of months, i've learned the true meaning of being grateful. Never have I thought that luck can play so much of a role in my life (I always thought God hates me the most). And in the darkest period of time, a stream of light appear and sent me hope. I'm not being dramatic here or anything. Is just that, somehow, it felt that way. And for once, i felt that the purpose of my life has been laid on a red carpet for me to walk through it.

But not all that is well ends well.

Maybe the red carpet is surrounded by caged wall. Maybe the glorious path was just there to pissed around with my mind. Or maybe, i was just plain optimistic for the first time in my life.

Maybe.

Dark Knight

2008-07-18T18:17:00.001+01:00

Dark Knight is absolutely mind blowingly amazing. Enuff said.

Listen

2008-07-17T11:21:00.003+01:00

I am quite shock to read readers reaction to the recent debate between Anwar and Shabery Cheek (SC).

It is a well known fact that SC is highly inexperience compared to Anwar in the forte of talking. Anwar has spent decades since his UM days standing by the speaker corner and talk. Shabery Cheek only came to the centre of attention because of his guts to defend the government's recent policies.

Yes, in terms of method of talking, SC's was nervous and a tad bit unconvincing. Yet, I feel that the ONLY good point that Anwar mentioned is the weak management in the government. But, if one would listen carefully the points that SC has mentioned, he has definitely defended the government policies very well. He gave his facts well and answered all questions. Where else, i think Anwar's way of debating is very much lies in the manner of how he talk rather than what is being said.

But i guess, deep down in every hearts of Malaysian, they wanted Anwar to win very much. This is because, if he wins then the "Angel of God" will bring down the oil price. That's the only reason why the people of Malaysia badly wants Anwar to win. And in the larger sense of the whole country, it does not matter anymore. While global inflation is taken place, people of Malaysia think that they are capable to be in her own cave and not be affected by this GLOBAL, i repeat GLOBAL phenomenon. We are all still in denial. We all need to talk to psychiatrist.

But yeah, it just goes to show that people didn't listen well. What they want was a definitive outcome from the debate and the debate failed to do so. The only good thing out of it was, our take on democracy is liberated for a bit and no one was calling each other "monyet" (monkey).

But did Anwar really, i mean really lay down his plans on how to curb this global phenomenon? Did Shabery Cheek managed to let the people actually listen to what he was saying? For me the answer for both question is a big NO. If the economists from Oxford, Cambridge and Harvard graduates and politicians can seat down and REALLY review Anwar's plan and help the people of Malaysia, they should be doing it. But i strongly feel that that wouldn't happen with our current political tsunami.

Listen to what is being said, not to what you want to hear.Listen.

Debat

2008-07-15T15:05:00.003+01:00

Perdebatan bertajuk "Bentuk kerajaan hari ini, turun harga minyak esok hari" telah berlangsung melibatkan antara Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim (Penasihat PKR) dan Menteri Penerangan Malaysia - Datuk Ahmad Shabery Cheek pada malam ini. Perdebatan selama sejam itu tamat 4 minit yang lalu sebelum saya menulis blog ini.

Sebenarnya, dalam masa yang singkat itu, banyak persoalan yang timbul dan pada masa yang sama, banyak persoalan tidak terjawab.

Anwar menganggarkan, negara memerlukan RM3 billion ringgit untuk menurunkan harga minyak sebanyak 50 sen seliter. Beliau memuji Petronas sebagai sebuah syarikat yang amat baik. Formula beliau dalam perdebatan itu lebih mengatakan bahawa negara memerlukan satu badan pengurusan baru untuk menerajui dan menguruskan dana dan pendapatan negara dengan lebih baik, lebih telus dan lebih mementingkan membantu rakyat daripada membantu kroni-kroni dengan atas dasar mengukuhkan ekonomi negara. Mengikut perkiraan beliau, Petronas dapat memberikan RM2 billion daripada RM3 billion yang diperlukan dan kerajaan dapat lebih baik menguruskan subsidi dan dana dari sumber lain untuk menyumbang RM1 billion yang terakhir itu. Formula beliau cukup mudah. RM3 billion subsidi = RM2.20 seliter minyak. Anwar yakin bahawa formula ini akan berkesan dan dengan pengurusan yang betul, rakyat tidak terlampau dibebani.

Shabery Cheek pula mendebatkan dari aspek perbandingan antara negara kita dengan negara luar dengan 2 ekstrem. Dari satu pandangan, negara2 luar lain yang menjual harga minyak tanpa subsidi dapat memacu ekonomi negara masing2 hingga menjadi negara maju. Satu lagi perbandingan dilalukan kepada negara pengeluar minyak yang besar seperti Venezuela yang dapat menjual minyak dengan harga RM 0.10 seliter tetapi tahap inflasi negara2 ini tinggi sehingga 30% berbanding Malaysia sekarang yang hanya 7-8%. Shabery Cheek yakin, dalam keadaan begini, Malaysia mampu menghadapi krisis harga minyak dan terus memacu ekonomi ke tahap yang baik.

Dari pandangan saya sebagai rakyat biasa, saya berpendapat, perdebatan ini harus dijawab rakyat sendiri. Apa yang rakyat mahu? Anwar lebih membicarakan formula yang dapat membantu rakyat secara jangka masa dekat. Kerajaan pula mendebatkan bahawa langkah kerajaan dilakukan atas dasar memikirkan dari jangkamasa panjang. Pada pandangan saya, pihak Anwar amat berfikiran positif walhal kerajaan berfikiran secara berhati-hati. Jadi, siapa yang lebih baik? Yang mana yang boleh diguna pakai?

Petronas menjangkakan menjelang 2015, negara Malaysia akan menjadik "net importer" - pengimport minyak sepenuhnya kerana rizab negara dijangka habis pada waktu itu. 7 tahun dari sekarang, minyak Malaysia akan habis dan kita mungkin terpaksa membayar hingga RM 6-7 seliter pada waktu itu. Apakah fungsi Petronas pada waktu itu? Apakah masih wujud Petronas pada waktu itu?

Dari segi perdebatan, kedua-duanya tidak mencapai satu kata putus. Tidak mencapai satu kemenangan mutlak kerana kedua-duanya masih lagi berhati-hati kerana mempunyai agenda masing-masing.

Senang ceritanya, sebagai rakyat Malaysia, kita harus menerima hakikat ini dan berjuang. Jangan sampai negara kita dijajah kembali oleh negara luar. Kita harus sedar dan berubah dari sekarang kerana, tiada seorang pemimpin pun dari mana-mana pihak yang dapat mengubah situasi ini kerana - Kita akan membeli harga minyak dengan harga penuh dalam masa kurang dari 10 tahun ini. Dan dalam pada masa yang sama, inflasi kita akan meningkat dengan tinggi. Ini adalah situasi yang sesiapa pun tidak dapat ubah. Dengan kepimpinan yang baik, kerajaan mungkin dapat memberi satu "buffer" untuk menangguh daripada keadaan itu berlaku, tetapi, yang pastinya, masa itu akan tiba dan seharusnya kita melatih diri kita untuk bersedia.

RSVP

2008-07-15T10:50:00.002+01:00

Everyone is getting hitched.

I'm honestly happy.

An advance congratulatory wish to Haniz and Ariefah.

I just got their wedding invitation and i'm supposed to RSVP them on a card with a sign "Setem" on the top right hand corner of the card.

An excuse for me to take up my camera and take a photo.

Rush Hour!

2008-07-09T09:33:00.003+01:00

For the ones working in front of their pc and have a couple of hours of free time, you should try this online game - Rush Hour.

For health and safety reason, please remove any sharp objects around your desk. It is advisable to have some kind of paracetamol up for grabs.

Who?

2008-07-09T03:32:00.001+01:00

While I wouldn’t disagree with the hype supporting the resignation of our current prime minister, I would however want to ask my fellow Malaysians just one question:

Who on our 'long' list of 'leaders' are able to succeed him?

I’m not saying he is able,notice the quotes. The blunder that has been going on in our beloved country right now is the aftermath of his procrastinating style in governing.

But I came across an online petition that wants him to step down. The reason given for his dismissal is because he (I quote) – “failed in providing a satisfactory performance in terms of controlling the price hike which includes, fuel (petrol & diesel), electricity, rice and other consumer goods”

Yes, all of us are facing this, what I would call – a survival atrocity.

But the reason given is not the main issue that should be voiced upon because it is a global phenomenon at the moment. Cum Beijing Olympics and we will be facing massive global inflation and recession due to the fact that the global economy relies too much to the survival of ONE country – USA.

Relying on just these reasons is insufficient to bring him down because it is NOT specifically down to his accord. Nevertheless, he has proved himself to be incompetent in his leadership qualities.

But even after all the bickering and judging and vowing for changes among my friends and strangers, all of them are still unable to answer my question.

So what does that tell us?

What has 50 years of post-independence political arena produced? Out of those 50 years, 22 years of it has been the works of our former PM. That’s about 44% of our years of independence. While it is a child’s talk to bring him back to the thrown, it is however disappointing and heart breaking to see what kind of leaders our country has produced and currently leading.

Money will always be a factor in anybody’s life. But like auditing, it is important and crucial that the Company knows what they are trying to hide and how to be ‘creative’ to the investors and financial statements users as to convey to them that the Company is moving in the right direction. It is about moving forward. It is about grabbing the necessary opportunities for the betterment of the Company.

But who is the ‘employees’ of the Company? Who is ‘auditing’ the Company? Who are the investors?

We need a brilliant head. We need somebody who is long sighted, a forward thinker. Not a leader who throws money to shut their opponents off.

At the rate this country is running, I’m not surprised that one day, we will be filling bankruptcy and fall into the force of taking the IMF money. We will be Indonesia. We will be Thailand. We will be Pakistan. We will be like some of the African countries.

Sometimes I wonder, whether current Malaysians are strong enough to unite and sacrifice together for one reason only – Malaysia’s pride, honour and survival. Or has it always been about money?

Rant

2008-07-08T05:18:00.002+01:00

I would be lying if I were to say that I’m not interested in Nikon’s latest product – D700. It is a full frame (FX) camera but nearly half the price that the Godsend D3. Then again, to fully exploit the full frame sensor, I would have to trade in all my current lens and opt for new lenses. With the cost of the D700 nearly RM10,000, body only, I can’t justify my immense need for more money to finance the extra lenses. Malaysia’s eBay sucks like hell, so I would have to opt for other routes to sell my current gear.

Then again, why would I need a D700 anyway? First thing, the differences between a D700 and a D300 are the former is a full frame and strut a bigger viewfinder. Oh, the ISO settings can also be cranked up to ISO25,600. I would think that the image is smoother with lesser noise too.

But D300 is just as superb. For a DX sensor camera, D300 is the best in the market right now. And it cost RM5700 only. The only extras I need to fork out is CF cards. Maybe A MBD10 too. That’s like another RM1500 and I’m all set to let my gear seat in my room collecting dust since I’m too busy right now to even hold them.

Ted Adnan posted a “help wanted” ad to be his assistant in his blog and flickr. I must say i was extremely tempted. Photographers in Malaysia are like swarming bees. Loads of them and the competition is deadly. The general market relatively can’t afford to pay such a hefty sum for a photographer. Then again, the photographers can’t afford not to charge at the level they are charging right now. Ted is already in a different class right now. 10 years experience under his belt and with wide range of clients.

If I were a filthy rich dude, I would jump to the opportunity to assist Ted. I would imagine, the experience gain will be absolutely priceless. And knowing Ted, he is not the kinda guy that is stingy to share his vast knowledge. Plus, his studio office just around the corner from my house.

So why would I need a D700? Men will be men. Gadgets, especially photography gadgets highly turns me on. On top of that, having two bodies would be great as well since there are no awesome f2.8 lenses that can cover from 12-200mm in the market. If they were to make one, I would imagine the lens being hulk-like huge and very expensive too. Then again, it wouldn’t be as flexible as I would want it to be.

It would be great if I can just live as carefree as I want and become a photographer. It is possible but I would have to have an initial financial stability. Ahh, chicken and egg indeed. I love both though.haha.

Sigh. Anybody want to buy one of my kidneys? Cheap cheap only.

Wanted!

2008-06-29T14:17:00.002+01:00

Work has been ridiculously busy. Period.

In a much lighter note, i splurged my first paycheck by watching "Wanted" at GSC Pavillion - Gold Class. RM 50 a tix. I prefer to justify the spending as the same if i were to watch a movie in London. A Gold Class tix means, i got to sit at a lounge just outside the cinema in a comfy yellow leather chair and a very nice restroom on the side of it. Entering the cinema, is a huge screen with only about 30 seats (estimation) available. I got a nice small table on the side of my leather, electronically reclining chair and a blanket that says - GSC Cinemas. The sound is THX. And the 100 plus i ordered was sent to my seat with a glass full of ice - not in a cup.

So yeah. It was kinda refreshing experience. It was nice to get my first paycheck as well. The rest will be used to pay fuel, touch 'n' go and parking. Bluergh.

Wanted, on the hand was a very interesting movie. It is based from a comic, so you can't really justify the unrealistic effect in the movie. Angelina Jolie was extremely sexy and beautiful. I can't count how many times i said "wahhh" every time a frame of her came on screen. James McAvoy was good too. Morgan Freeman? I don't think one would ever received a bad performance from him.

The movie was OK. The plot of the story was quite fast paced, hence, it was kinda disturbing to picture the whole movie in a realistic notion. The special effects? Cranked up to the max. The censorship? Ahh..sadly, it is Malaysia. Then again, i don't think i can handle watching Ms Pitt having a rendezvous with Mr McAvoy. It would have looked like incest to me. Haha. But, the part where she came out from the tub naked..sigh - I wish i was in the UK. I like the twist of the movie. But i didn't like how it ended. My take? - Go watch Angelina Jolie. And guys, watch it with other guys. Don't bring your plus one.haha.

------------------

I did have a go and watch Pete Grant live at Alexis bar last week. I was expecting a really nice jazzy, bluesy, cigar smoke up in the air kinda joint but sadly, it was more of a "take that" reject, boy band looking guy singing what i felt was a half-hearted jazz in a crampy place that it is out of character.

------------------

The south-west dudes had a bbq over the weekend aye? Sigh, i miss you guys a lot.

Teg Hoya

2008-06-05T02:37:00.002+01:00

Free time! Free time! Actually, it's fake free time! fake free time!

Well, i'm definitely not ready to work. Then again, when will i ever be. Several inspiring friends around me keep on reiterating the phrase "One has to get out from his/her comfort zone". As usual, i like to dramatized the whole thing by thinking.."hmm, let us move to Rio De Janeiro and sell drugs".

News update: If you're familiar with a Sid Meiers' pc game - Civilization, this time in Malaysia would be called- Civil Disorder. Neways, I was tagged by Shu-Jon. Malizza ade blog kah?

5 hadiah yang anda impikan? - Hadiah? Hadiah? Should i be realistic or the total opposite?
1. Anything for my coming birthday.
2. I would settled for a D300. But, a D3 will be deathly appreciated.
3. Winning the Shell's 1,000,000km fuel contest.
4. High end kitchen and it's appliances which will only be for me to sleep on. I'll have another lousy kitchen for real cooking though.
5. A Semi-Detached house. With at least 4 bedrooms, big shower with bath tub and a persian cat to go with it.
Alasan atas pilihan anda itu: - Aiyerr..must have one meh?
1. I received birthday cakes and cards before but i never really get a physical present.
2. Hey, never settle for less right?
3. I think the reason is the whole previous entry i wrote down below.
4. I love cooking too. But i hate cleaning kitchen grease. haha.
5. House very expensive worr!
5 inspirasi terhadap orang yang diminati? Inspiration? Rasa cam tatabahasa soalan ni macam salah je. 5 things that he/she has inspired me or 5 things that will inspire me from a person of interest? I take 4 the former approach and one from the latter.
1. High spirited.
2. Happy go lucky.
3. Extremely passionate, when she's in a good mood at least.
4. Very Self-Determined.
5. Ponytailed and specky. Hee hee!
Perkara yang paling hebat pernah dilakukannya untuk anda:
1. Hmm, the travelling was highly appreciated. Sebak terharu pun ada.
2. Going down to a pizza place in Mestre,Italy and brought up a cup of coffee for me in a teacup and saucer.
3. -
4. -
5. - This question brings back sad memories.
5 ciptaan yang paling disukai?
1. Adobe Photoshop. All the CS's.
2. Flickr.
3. Jonet. Ciptaaan Allah kerna mengajarku tentang camera.hahaha.
4. Smelly pillow made by my late grandmother.hahaha.
5. Ubat Nyamuk.
Apakah perkara yang paling dibenci?
1. I can't say what i hate the most here since it is very very politically incorrect. So i'll say..Traffic Jam!
5 orang yang anda mahu tag?
1. Jeghui - Half time Euro punye kerja.
2. Mala - make your free time. =D
3. Kudo! - Be cheesy and corny for a bit la bro. haha.
4. Malizza! - Ape address weih!?
5. Fadh - Drop the book and humour me.

Black Gold

2008-06-04T15:07:00.003+01:00

I think it was Abbas who told me about the caption. "He, who owns the black gold will forever be rich". Something like that la. What's black gold? Well, for those who can't figure out the obvious (like i did!)..black gold is Petroleum. I always thought that it's green blackish in colour. So, pardon my ignorance when i asked Abbas what black gold means.

So today, in Malaysia is actually a historical moment. The Malaysian government or how Tun Mahathir put eloquently in all his speeches and blog entries - "The Abdullah Badawi's government" has announced the increase on fuel price by 78 cents. Hence, for a litre of fuel, Malaysians will be paying RM 2.70 for it, instead of RM 1.92 now, well..just for another 1 and half hours or so. Based on a rough calculations, to fill up a Kancil for a full tank petrol, you'll have to fork out Rm70. Gone with the days when I used to fill up my brother's Kancil for a mere Rm20 for a full tank.

Therefore, all petrol kiosk went berserk with consumers trying to fill up their cars.Reports on hitsz dot fm said that some queues was about 3-4 kilometres long! It will be interesting to see what will happen tomorrow - financially and most important - politically. What's the aftermath?

Aftermath? well..you won't be seeing much of me at outside stalls la. One might have to pay RM1 just for a glass of plain water now. I can't even imagine the atrocities that will come to one's spending power. In a larger sense, what will happen to our economy as a whole?

Consumers can cut down on unnecessary traveling. I think, when Azalina Othman (Tourism Ministry) campaigned on "Local Tourism"..she must have been joking. It is such a unnecessary spending to move from one place to another with this fuel hike. Not to mentioned, the toll price is going up too. I think, Malaysian companies should invest in virtual reality technology more since, it would be probably be cheaper to go to Port Dickson by just being there virtually.

The thing is, if the global fuel price is escalating, Petronas should make higher profits right? I mean, i think there should be at least half of the RM60 billion annual profit that can be used to subsidized the fuel in Malaysia. What about the raise in tax on cigarettes and gambling? Where did all the money go? Heh, a report from a friend who works in Air Asia said that 24 airline companies filed bankruptcy worldwide.

I would expect that a mammoth picketing will take place tomorrow in KL. I would expect a vote of no confidence to take place towards our leaders.

Well, i think the sale for perodua kancil will go to the roof. Same goes with motorcycles. Tan Sri Boon Siew (Boon Siew Honda) , if he is still alive,he would have been very happy.

Heh, no more road trips. At least not with my current pay. No more posh coffees. No more chilli's or chinoz on the park. Bluerghh..

I should seriously consider the sugar mummy thing.

Weaved.

2008-06-01T16:40:00.002+01:00

It has been 2 weeks since i started working. No, i'm not gonna talk about work here. I'm not gonna be that guy. But i do wanna vent my utmost frustration towards KL's disastrous traffic condition.

When there's an accident on the other side of the road, you don't have to slow down la. move on..You can read about it on the news and stop being a hypocrite, acting like you care.

When you have already lost one leg and already using the tricycle motor..don't act like you are a mat rempit and keep on driving like a maniac. If you want to lose another leg, just lie down on the street and i'll gladly run over your leg.

If you have a smart tag..check la your balance on the card before entering the smart tag lane.

Please la JPJ..if you want to check people's road tax and license..do it at off peak hours. Some people want to go for maghrib.

Is it so damn hard to just stay on the designated lane? Why must you drive in the middle of the road la?

Well, these are some of my endless cursing on the road. Mind you, i'm training myself to be at peace with the traffic condition in KL. It's just ridiculous. Mind numbing ridiculous. But i guess, its part of "weaving" process with reality.

I want a sugar mummy.hahaha.

Sun came down on me

2008-05-16T15:38:00.004+01:00

The day ended in total sadness. Then again, it has been like that since i can last remember.

Good thing though, i went for a photo outing! haha. It was fun. It was my first time actually being at Taman Tasik Titiwangsa. Banyak betul couple-couple yang merendek dan direndek.

Although i was there for only an hour, i managed to jump on the Eye and eyeing KL from above. Rm15 for 3 whole rounds? it was kinda cool. I wished i could have stayed longer to capture the night lights but i was rushing for time. Next time lorr..

I'm going to Kuching tomorrow. Quite excited but at the same time quite sad as well. Sad sad memories there. The saddest part is, i couldn't find my fricking battery charger for my camera..arghhh.

Toodaloo. The flight is at 7am!

Bristol blues.

2008-05-13T11:08:00.002+01:00

It has been nearly a month since i last hit a shutter on my baby. Knocked down my telephoto 3 weeks ago, sent it for repair and Nikon called me yesterday. Picked up the lens and woohoo, no charge!

It made remember of how things were when i was in Bristol. Whenever i feel like having a blast on my own (no pun intended =D) i would go to the beloved bristol suspension bridge.Though the bridge is quite near to Bristol town, it was never hectic with traffic or people. It's nice, scenic, calm and beautiful. It was where i go to wind down. To just have a smile and reminisce.

Ahh, i guess i'm having a bristol-sick mode.

On that note, i will pick up my baby and give her a run tomorrow. By hook or by crook, i will shoot a photo.Not just a photo, but a good one.

Misappropriation (s)

2008-05-10T02:05:00.002+01:00

Apparently,getting my desired plate number, getting the car out from the port, getting custom's approval and meeting the Head of Selangor's Custom and the 40 hours wait wasn't the end of my story.

JPJ sucks big time. Puspakom too. Its just weird y'know..what Puspakom is doing is basically the same thing as getting MOT in the UK. Only difference is, while in the UK, most of the garage have the authority to give out MOT certs, here in Malaysia..only Puspakom does. So, there's a huge queue going on at the Puspakom station every single day, every single minute. But for individual cars, there's only 2 workers checking the car (only for engine number and chasis number) and 2 other workers to print out the report. So y'know, i'm already immune about the waiting part of the process. But knowing that after getting the report and handing it to JPJ for road tax, the report was flawed?!..that was a bit too much la for me.

The process is more or less having the 2 workers to pop the bonnet and working hard waving a small torchlight to find TWO THINGS - the engine number and the chasis number. Thats all. How hard could that be to get it right? i mean, yeah, some of the engines, the number is all over and they have to find it first, but after you have found it..is it that hard to get it right? Why am I annoyed? This is why..

After getting the report..you gotta hand it in to JPJ. JPJ will check whether the engine number and the chasis number is correct. If it is not correct, you can make a surat pindaan maklumat kereta.But before making the pindaan, you would have to call up your insurance company for them to change any changes in your insurance account with them. The insurance company will then process it..this is the funny part - ONLINE to JPJ and only after getting the reconciliation, will the pindaan be approve. This processes means..calling the insurance company..going there, meeting some people that will take hours to meet and then more hours to wait to get the ONLINE information to JPJ.

All because one guy who were waving the torchlight at Puspakom didn't like to eat carrots for his eyes when he was a little boy.

Handling it with the JPJ wasn't like going through Hyde Park either. The owner of the car must be present for individual cars. OK la, fair enough. But all the "flawed" information that wasn't your fault in the first place and going all the way to Ipoh for the process and that you wouldn't get an off day from work for the next working day...it was all just too damn disappointing la. And then..the JPJ person (i will remember her name for the rest of my life) said to me...

"You go back home and file it all over again"..

Then i said, "i've already filed everything and there's only a few things here that needed my attention, is it possible if my father can come here (Ipoh) on my behalf?"

she said.."oh, that i do not know..i'm not a judge."

WTF?

EFF.

I think rather then investing on north corridor or some other gigantic projects, i would suggest our beloved government to invest in PR schools la for the workers. Other than that, maybe investing in reinventing the system of how things works. Why don't we invest bringing in consultants to reinvent the work process for the benefit of the public. Why don't we invest in having a huge server to store the informations ONLINE. For real punye online.

The benefits of online system from individual's perspective:

1. You wouldn't have to wake at wee hours in the morning to withstand traffic.
2. You wouldn't have to go to 3 different places to settle one common thing.
3. You wouldn't have to waste money paying fuel and tolls.
4.You wouldn't be polluting the environment. Govt can use the tax money for fuel subsidies or something.
5. You wouldn't have to waste time, thus supposedly increasing productivity for the nation.
6. You wouldn't have to make face and yell to the officers.
7. You wouldn't have to go to the public toilets.
8. The traffic wouldn't be to congested.
9. You can spend a lot less on fuel money.

The benefits of online system from workers' perspective:

1. You wouldn't have to meet too many people in one day.
2. You wouldn't have to eat carrots when you were young.
3. You wouldn't have to withstand any temptations of accepting briberies.
4. You wouldn't have to be a "judge".
5. You can therefore take a quality lunch break and hopefully makes you a little bit happy in your work.
6. You wouldn't have to WRITE the reports and finding all the information needed from other physical files.
7. You can go home at 5.30 and be a good parents that can still smile at your children when you come back from work.
8. The roads wouldn't be too bad of traffic.
9. You can save a huge sum of money on fuel.
10. You can have time on cleaning the public toilets.
11. You can therefore make little less space for parking spaces and can better the infrastructure for other purposes for the country.

Janganla sampai orang kata.."Online hang!"

I wish it on myself

2008-05-07T17:04:00.003+01:00

Ya Jonet, saya update..hehe.

Actually i've been wanting to update this blog for quite sometime, but i've been extremely caught up with things. Yes, it is quite a shocking statement coming from an 'agricultural' guy (mengganggur, har har) but yeah..i've been busy. Why you ask? All the good news came today.

Well, finding job is quite a daunting task for one. But suprisingly, it was quite easy compared to finding job in the UK. Alhamdulillah and insyaAllah, i'll be starting work next monday at a medium sized audit firm. I've been looking around for a month and i'm happy that i've been accepted to this firm. I just hope i'll be happy there and that i can progress further in the future.The most important thing is for me to be strong enough in doing auditing job.Amin. The pay isn't gorgeously exciting but for me, its a start. I'm more interested in the vast exposure and the working environment. I feel that this firm has that. So, tulah..InsyaAllah.

Next, i called JPJ earlier and asked whether i have been successful in my tender to get my desired plate number. And i did. So, i'm happy to get the number that i want. What number? Come and see me la one day..hehe.

After nearly 2 months coming back and going through all the tedious bureaucratic (is this the correct spelling?) process, i finally managed to take out my car from northport. To be honest, if not because of Pal Shipping and specifically Nizam's (Malaysian agent) help, the process would have been a thousand times a lot worst. But alhamdulillah, i got the tax reduced to 30% and the car was in smooth condition when i started the engine. So yeah, if any of you guys or gals wanna bring back car(s), i'll be happy to share my experience. I know every little details now.

So that's it. The most exciting things and days that i've had since arriving from the UK. I'm at peace with Malaysia now. I've begin to love Malaysia back. =)

It's 8th of May tomorrow. But the significance of the date is only for me now. I wish it on myself.

I really miss all of you guys in Bristol. Abbas, Smq and Jeg included. hehe.

Bring the Light

2008-04-27T15:25:00.004+01:00

It's actually scary to live in Malaysia right now. As a tourist, you won't feel that much fear, you would be just a flight away. But if you live here, you would feel the very thin string that is holding a massive exploding political agenda.

I hate waking up every morning now. Not because there's a shortage of food in asian countries but because of the daily news that are very unappealing. I feel unsafe. I feel like a minority. I feel like i'm losing the sense of belonging.

In the nation's fight against corruption, the irony lies within the needs for every individual. The biggest race now is the race to become the most superior race. To become the majority. To hold the power. What ticks me is the on going exploitation in the name of religion. While in theory, religion should be the epitome of one's way of life, it has however being exploited by others to create a NEW way of life.

The biggest concern is the gap that is obviously widening between people. In the course to be a united nation, Malaysia now is crawling and begging its way to even find the light of course that it should take to face the future.

Economically, we are going downwards. Politically, we are all over the place. The nation? more like confused of what's going on. It is as if, there's nobody out there that is powerful enough to send a united message. One political party leader is bashing Malaysia out in Australia. The other is supporting a very irreligious cause. While another is manipulating the masses in the name of fighting corruption.

There's nothing good going on in the leadership perspective right now. Why don't you drop the political aspects of things and view what is going on right now in the eyes of laymen?

Malaysia is in desperate need for stability. Malaysia is in desperate need for unity. Malaysia is desperate right now.

Storm's coming. People, be prepared and be wise.

Friday Mourning

2008-04-24T16:16:00.002+01:00

I'm in mourning. if there's another word that's thrice as times as crestfallen, it still wouldn't be suffice to describe what i'm feeling right now.why?

My hard disk, external hard disk..can't be detected. It makes a dejecting sound every time i tried to turned it on.

I don't really care bout all the tv series i've had in there, not even the movies..

But 5 years worth of photos..actually..to be exact..it's 7 years worth of photos..since KMYS days...gone. gone. gone. Aren't retrievable..

It suddenly feels like a part of me has been deleted. All the full resolution,RAW pics gone. The bad, the good, the ugly of thousands of photos..gone.

Bluerghhh..this feels worse than a break up.

I'm in mourning. Somebody send me a lorry of ice creams please. Haagen Dasz would be highly appreciated. Chocolates are welcome too.

Sight

2008-04-13T02:44:00.004+01:00

I went to Ikea yesterday. I was thinking - "Damn stress la wei..kalau ada duit lebih sikit nak beli satu store ni..stressss" i said to myself la.

Then suddenly, i saw in front of me, a family of 4, mum and dah with their 2 sons. I think the eldest is about 9 year old and the younger brother is about 4 year old boy.

The 9 year old kid was making a sulking face. Masammm la...Muke seposen orang kata. But the best part was, he was wearing a black t-shirt that says..."JIWA KACAU".

I was laughing like hell la kan?! hahahaha. Rugi takda camera time tu.Boleh dpt RM50 hantar kat the Star.

Man..stresss wei! Tapi i think skrg ni, jadik Arsenal fan lagi stress..hehehe.

Cutie

2008-04-09T14:08:00.003+01:00

20 years (probably) shy.

Jantung

2008-04-08T10:55:00.002+01:00

Jantung Hati orang susah nak dapat. Jantung pisang pun susah nak dapat.

Engaging

2008-04-06T14:47:00.004+01:00

.Put it through.

From a recent engagement ceremony. Teluk Intan, Perak.Malaysia.

A Pleasant Suprise

2008-04-05T12:16:00.002+01:00

"Hi Annas,

I am delighted to let you know that your submitted photo has been selected for inclusion in the newly released second edition of our Schmap Italy Guide:

Temple of Castor and Pollux
www.schmap.com/italy/attractions/p=12327/i=12327_12.jpg

Thanks so much for letting us include your photo - please enjoy the guide!

Best regards,

Emma Williams,
Managing Editor, Schmap Guides"

It's no big deal, but i'm happy and proud. =)

Immortality

2008-03-31T15:36:00.002+01:00

Some say that words are immortal. Its true. Maybe at the time the saying was said, writings were the only medium that can transcends time and stood through the test of ageing. But nowadays, there's loads of other mediums as well - photography for instance. But nonetheless, without words and without justification, a photo will only be a still view of a view.

So words, in other words, can stand the test of everything. The only catch is, whether you can find them and whether they make sense altogether. Hey, i pity the people that dug up all the caves and brushed up all the historical tombs just so we can call something as "history". The only limitation to founding these words is, the writer might be liar or he/she might be a bad writer. Hence, there's no truth in this world. Everything written is a lie except the words of the Quran.
If you want to believe other things, thats your call.

So yeah, the devil Wilders is also a liar. And he is probably making millions out of his photographic/journalistic lies.

Having watched what i personally thinks is the current coolest tv show - New Amsterdam, i wonder what if i could stand the test of time. Only today, i went to a skin specialist clinic in KL, i checked in and the guy at the counter produced my patient card. He said.."Oh, the last time you came here was when you were 5 years old". 20 years passed me by and already i've said to myself "I wish i am dead" like 10 times.

My sister, a poet of her time once wrote - "Hidup adalah satu pentas" (Life is like a stage). Even when somebody died, we can hear people consoling by saying "God love him more". So, what's the catch? The longer you live, the more lies you tell and keep, and the more of the lies you keep, the more it consumes you inside. The more you consume it, the more you will try to rebel against yourself. Hence - "Telling the truth is the hardest thing".

Immortality is a curse.

I just wish i can tell my absolute truth someday.

12 hours of Ted

2008-03-20T16:25:00.003Z

I went for a Outdoor Portraiture Lighting Workshop with Ted Adnan the whole day today. It was somewhere in Pangsoon, Hulu Langat, Selangor. 8 hours under the sun, i'm all samoan now. And bloody tired as well. But it was kinda cool la. Learned a lot from the workshop. Thanx Ted!

Wanda - One of the models for today's workshop.

Adeq - The other model participated in today's workshop.

The Last Friday

2008-03-14T02:10:00.002Z

That last Friday in the UK was melancholic. I guess that's one of the reason why i took this long to process the pics. Even then, i didn't process all. I'm not good with this saying goodbye thing. Not good at all. I've been listening to Rachael Yamagata since i got back.Anyways, thank you Jonet, Pmad, Zaid Pet, Abbas for sending me to the airport. Korang memang champion!

Click on the above pics for a bit more pics.

Sunday Afternoon

2008-03-11T17:59:00.002Z

It has been a long long time since i felt this level of emotion out of a song. The last time was "Tears" from the Smashing Pumpkins. But her guitar playing, her sultry voice, her lyrics, her strumming, her passion of singing was just breathtakingly beautiful.

It's a choice
to stay
It's a dream
& I wanna wake

You have blood on your hands
and I'm feeling faint
And honey
You can't decide

I'm a drug
Ya don't wanna give up
Smoke your cigarettes
Make your love

You poured blood in my heart
and I can't get enough
I'm drowning, drowning
and you can't decide

It's not about geography, or happenstance
you need to fly, & take a chance
You don't need to soar to emptiness
Float on high, & forever dance alone

Your scared, scared, scared
cuz I feel like home

Hear your voice
Knew right away
If you were here
your eyes would say

There is blood on my feet
as I'm walking away
Rivers are red
Its starting to rain

I'm not gonna live for you
or die for you
Won't do anything anymore for you
Cuz you leave me here on the other side
You leave me here on the other side

Not gonna shed one more tear for you
shed one more tear for you
I'm not gonna shed one more tear for you

At least not til Sunday Afternoon
Sunday Afternoon

Leave or Stay
Leave or Stay

Rachael Yamagata - Sunday Afternoon.

Mr Amsterdam

2008-03-11T16:25:00.004Z

Ouh, how i miss Amsterdam.

After a rocky week, things are beginning to make sense. I've stopped cursing Malaysian drivers. I've stopped talking about politics. I've stopped smoking (too much). I've stopped smacking the mosquitoes and I've stopped eating oily foods. Actually, i've stopped eating.

I've stopped most of the things that i couldn't stopped before because i wanna start starting. With 55 months worth of experience, i'm sure i can build myself for greater heights.

Silence is golden.

I've noticed that general malaysians look at other people that have a huge camera bag on their backs like they were looking at a "konon cool" skateboarders. I was a lame (not so good) skateboarder loonng ago..so i know what the look looks like. It kinda stopped me to get my camera out the first few days back. But like any other blessings, my beloved D80 nursed me back to conscience.

I wanna start living...again. And die a statue like Sir Matt Busby here.haha.

Vantage Point

2008-03-09T15:55:00.003Z

The film was annoying. With the backtracking every 15 minutes or so. The narrative style is a bit unsual. Like how Quentin Tarantino always have his film plots like reading from different chapters of a book, this movie (directed by Pete Travis) was more like a person who had to read 5 different books that is more or less the same before reading the final volume of a 6 series volume of short stories. Its a bit like Paris Je'taime. Only the characters are the same and the stories involves around one story that take perspective from 5 different view. The action is good. Watching it at the Pavillion today was a cinematic experience. Recommended.

Today was unusually sombre of KL. The capital of Malaysia more or less turned into a zombie factory where everybody seems to look a bit confused of everything. I'm sure they are. I mean..the question that i could hear over and over again in the course of food courts and mamak places (in one day) is.."what will happen now?" Maybe there are interesting vantage points that can be backtracked 4 years from now through what has happened yesterday.

I'm more interested in learning behind the whole election process. When i came back a week ago, i said to my family - "Wow, the opposition really have a strong hold this time around". My family said.."Really?". So i was thinking, maybe it was the opposition strategy to use the internet capabilities to manipulate facts. But clearly i was wrong. Why? Because there are one different crucial strategy that has been going on here.

BN used it media sovereignty to put out through newspapers,radio waves and tv programs(news). While the process received a major campaign advantage, it doesn't give enough of what people wants. This process reveals nothing but an insult to the minds of the voters - thinking that they do not know that they are being bombarded by a calculated, pedantic information.

Oppositions on the other hand, uses the internet. When nearly 40% of the total voters were young adults (under 30 i think), the web provide the voters power to dug up their own "truth". It's cheap and in the mind of the voters, psychologically, they get what they want to know.

I mean, obviously, the physical difference of technique here is not big of a deal. But psychologically, it has a huge difference.People are smart now. Why buy newspaper outside when you can get it free on the internet on lunch time, at the office? And what will they get when they go inside there? - Nothing from BN. So, it goes to show that the web has catapulted the political 'tsunami' that Malaysia felt yesterday.

I'm proud of fellow Malaysians. Whatever the effect is from now on, we have shown that our votes meant everything. But it also shows that whatever affecting the nation from now on, is also our choice in the first place.

Whoever runs the place nowadays - Do your job and deliver your promises because it wouldn't be there next time around if you don't. That's the bottom line. Enough said.

Pecah!

2008-03-08T16:08:00.002Z

Bila bicara politik ni, lebih baik bercakap seorang diri di dalam kelambu. Nyamuk banyak diluar tu. Ada sahaja benang yang terbuka, tidak dijahit kemas, mulalah mereka masuk mencari darah.
Sebenarnya, aku lebih suka bercakap pasal kekuatan dan perpaduan. Ada orang cakap, lebih baik bermain dengan api, sekurang-kurangnya, tidak mati kesejukkan. Melayu ni darah panas, tidak suka sejuk -sejuk. Jadi ada orang melayu yang suka bermain dengan api. Tapi orang melayu tak sedar yang ianya bahaya bermain dengan api ni. Boleh makan diri! Kalau api ni makan seorang sahaja orang melayu, tidak apa..tetapi bersatunya api dikeliling, habislah bangsa yang duduk ditengah-tengah.

Aku lebih suka bercakap tentang "teamwork". Nak mencari reformasi baru itu perlu. Tetapi dalam memperjuangkan reformasi ini, janganlah pula mengorbankan apa yang sudah ada sepenuhnya. Jangan kerana mengikutkan hati, tidak nampak buaya menyergah dari tepi, menanti lama untuk mendapatkan daging yang lazat. Jika kita sudah ada daging idaman buaya, mengapa hendak kita perjudikannya? Jika kita sudah ada daging idaman buaya, mengapa kita tidak bersatu mempertahankannya? Mengapa menjadi alternatif untuk menunjuk siapa lebih kuat?

Kadang-kala, bila berjalan ditebing, tidak nampak tebing itu licin, berpaya dan tidak selamat untuk berpijak dengan kukuh. Lebih pula, buaya diingatkan sebagai longgok kayu. Mengapa kita tidak menjadi seperti sang kancil? - bekerjasama dengan sang buaya secara sungguh berhati-hati untuk ke seberang sungai? Kalau kita berasal dari kampung yang sama, mengapa tidak,yang pergi ke bandar pun masih kita pelihara? Bukankah kita serumpun?

Bila bincang politik ni, aku sedih. Sebab ada yang mengejar kuasa individu itu lupa dan alpa dengan apa yang bakal berlaku pada bangsa di masa hadapan. Aku sedih melihat bangsaku dipecah-belahkan kerana tamakkan kuasa. Dipermainkan oleh sang buaya. Aku sedih kerana bangsaku perjuangkan mereka, walhal, tiada suatu laungan pun diberikan oleh mereka untuk kita. Mengapa kita menjadi perigi mentatang diri mencari timba?

Bila bicara politik ni, lebih baik dalam kelambu. Cuma hati-hatilah bila membuka pintu kelambu kerana ada sahaja nyamuk-nyamuk yang menunggu mencari darah.

Birthday Boy!

2008-03-05T15:41:00.003Z

Zero Six of March.

Playing Kitty

2008-03-05T14:54:00.002Z

Finally i'm able to access my hard drive. Have all the files and programs at my fingertips. Gorgeous!

The day before i came back, i went to a nearby Fish and Chips stall to kinda taste the last of the British pride - Fish and Chips. I got a Haddock, relentless asking whether it was battered with beer. It was not. hehe.

As i walk back home, i came across this dirty stray cat. She's fat though. She's was meowing to me probably asking for a bite of my fish and chips. I gushed a bit and stroked her neck. I love cats. I wish i have one right now. Neways, she followed me all the way back home..that was like 300-400 metres, probably in cats world feels like 3-4 miles. haha.

When she's in front of the door, i went inside, got a small plate and put down some milk for her. She really went for it, licking it all. At that moment, it felt nice to be wanted. Only to see that she ran away once she's finished with the milk. Call me crazy, but it was kinda sad.

I guess, that's how things work nowadays. You move away once you get what you want in the first place. How stupid of me, even cats do that.

Got some milk left on her mouth.hehe.

Embrace me, Bitsie

2008-03-03T16:56:00.002Z

I'm having a crush on Bitsie Tulloch. Well yeah, if any of you would analyze my preferences, you can find the similarities in each and everyone of them. Ms Tulloch is the lead actress in a series called - Quarterlife. I'm not really a fan of this kinda series. It's just too philosophical and too many words in a minute. After one episode it felt like i've went through my whole pubescent era. Hence, it's kinda weird to be having a crush on Bitsie.

Nevertheless, 2 days here and i feel like i'm out of place. I used to hate London coz of its neverending buzz and that everyone is running to places and disregarding every single person around them. London was never personal. London was too hectic and pedantic and sarcastically loud and of course expensive.

Being back here feels like i'm surrounded by a bunch of Londoners. Everybody is London. And i'm still stuck in a nutshell of Bristol. Which is ironically annoying. Maybe it just been 2 days. Maybe its because of the burger i ordered tonight that never came over after waiting for 1 hour. I hate the services here. I hate that i have to choose and accept things that i don't want to accept in the first place. Why can't i be conventional and modern? Why should i choose to be one of it?

I need to get a job fast. I need to be at peace with Malaysia by being a "London". "London" by day and Annas by night. Let the turn of dawn be the nature's way of making me having my balance in life everyday.Sigh, maybe i'm just in denial.

Hujan

2008-03-02T14:17:00.002Z

Its raining here. Its like God is easing me in with the weather.

Nevertheless, it has been pretty confusing in every way. I just wish things turns out differently and not so damn gloomy. At times like these, i feel like being up with the moon. Some Guns N Roses in the background screaming that i am in the paradise city.

I can't take the food here. Not at the moment. It has been a long while since i last had a 3 course meal a day. After two big meals today, i felt like i've eaten for the rest of the week. The taste here is different. The satisfaction here is highly satisfying.

But most of all, i'm really sad. I'm really sad of how it turned out. Today is definitely a crestfallen for me.

Salam Terakhir

2008-02-26T21:26:00.004Z

Somehow i'm speechless now. I can't make a sentence of what i'm feeling right now. Terima kasih shu dan rakan-rakan (ekeke) for the farewell party. Terharu sungguh yang teramat. Kalau boleh tunjuk hati kat dalam, boleh nampak hatiku menangis. Seriously. Terharu sungguh.

Terima kasih juga kepada yang datang. Abbas,Adi,Myra,Aiman,Adi Badio, Zaki, Malizza, Anyz, Shasha and Syira. Pet ngan Echo memang dah kat rumah.ekeke.

Rasenye paling sedih sebab akhirnya selepas 7 tahun, aku ngan Jonet dah tak at the same place. Thanx bro for everything. Dari zaman KMYS,dari aku kurus sampai aku gemuk, phone Sagem warna kuning kebanggaan sedunia,nyamuk lemas di kaki kau,DOE sesame, kau lari nangis tak habis roti canai merajuk dalam hutan Cameron Highlands, ke kisah-kisah di swimming pool, buang katak kat bilik aku. First year kita dua je takde orang lain, naik satu basikal sekali. Panjat park street sekali, makan sesama,travel sesama, beli kereta, pecah tayar, blow head gasket, Amsterdam,kisah Shairol,bakar beli barang2 mahal, mug merah swiss ditelinga di tepi dinding,susah senang sama-sama. Akhirnya kite ke Cheshire Oak sesama.Kalau tak pasal kau, aku tak reti nak tgkp gmbr pun. It wouldn't have been the same without you man.I couldn't think anyone that is more perfect for each other than you and shu. You guys rock! =)

Abbas, my confidant! You're definitely an inspiration bro. Moga kau dapat apa yang dihajati. London dah panggil dah tu. hehe. I guess, if angels are human, you are one of them. =)

Pmad, you rock dude!

Syira and Shasha, I guess its a blessing that we were in Bristol. Things will definitely be different otherwise. I'm glad i was here with you guys. Syira, see ya in Dec. Shasha, see ya in Kajang! =)

Jeg, Smq, you guys are the best!

Haih, nangis pulak aku ni karang. Nvm, jumpe di Malaysia. End.

Birthday Girl!

2008-02-22T11:00:00.003Z

Happy Birthday Yewnee! =)

Can't wait to see ya in a week.hehe.

Mafia

2008-02-21T12:51:00.004Z

John Mayer said it out loud and sing it to millions when his latest album Continuum hit the waves last year. The first single out of his latest album was - "Waiting for the world to change". While he was pretty much insinuating, *well, he was pretty dead straight* political movement or *Ahem* i hate this word - reformation; needed by the world, his views can be put in different other perspectives as well. Metaphorically driven that everybody can relate to everything.

When Mario Puzo wrote The Godfather and Francis Ford Coppola revolutionized the meaning of being a Mafia, millions and millions of testosterone born heterosexuals dreamed to be apart of something as exclusive, exciting,mysterious, rich and dangerous as being a Mafia. But let's face the facts, it is illegal and it is undeniably costly. So what does these means to the mere public?

Godfather has become the word that means stature, power and greatness. Even if you own a large bakery with only Brooklyn as your customers, if you are in control, and if you can control your dough-making staffs, you can be considered a "Godfather". One, because you technically own them and two, because you pay them their very-low-under-the-radar wage.

It is like a exclusive club that you're in. And if you're the leader, you're the Godfather. If you're not but you're in the club, you're the mafia. Most importantly, the title goes well if the intended Godfather IS strong, loud, confidence and smart. With a lot of dough of course.Pun intended.

Hence, what does it got to do with Mr Mayer? Changing the world?

Ha hah! This entry is actually about Cashmere Mafia. The new TV series on ABC i think. It's about 4 highly successful women and their..err..lives. Corporate women, juggling relationships, marriages, work and even pets. If the series does pick it up and become as successful as Sex and the City (they have the same writers) then this series will definitely change the world.

It shows how women can be on top. *Pun intended*. It also shows how like men, they can only care about their jobs. Not because it is a neccessity. Not because they can't have the same amout of money or lives without the job. But because it makes them have power and money. More importantly power. It is hard for them not to control what they can't control. Hence, they fail constantly in their relationship and marriage. The only one that works is because the man is actually the "woman" in the marrriage.

But it just goes to show. If you want to be in a relationship, one of the party MUST be the "girl". Only, it doesn't matter whether its the guy or the girl.But the character is there to be defined.
Don't get me wrong, i have nothing against highly successful working women. I respect them. But they are revolutionizing the world! Who needs politics when we have women?

In one way, Cashmere Mafia is the opposite of another series - The Big Shots but with 4 men instead of 4 women. But why does Cashmere Mafia is deemed to be successful and The Big Shots are not going to air anymore?

1. Because, women are not desperate for sex. Men are. Even if they are desperate for sex, they look cute. But men, its not a really valuable character. It makes them look weak. Very weak.

2. Because men don't wear accessories! Girls loves watching the series because of the clothes and accessories that these 4 women are wearing. The series receives more investors and more viewers because of this. Ask them what's the gist of the series and they would say something that can be read on wikipedia.

But, let us look between the sheets of designer clothes and evaluate the series. They are basically lonely successful women. They let their work define who they are just have lives outside so that they are NOT being misinterpreted as a robot. At the same time, in their private conscience, they are unable to define themselves apart from the title that goes behind their name -CEO or C of F.

Maybe being a mafia, whether you're a man or a woman is not that appealing. Because, it is better to die as a loving father or caring mother and be remembered by others as a wonderful person than just being ditched in an expensive casket while your daughter utters in her mind - "The bitch is dead".

Let Godfather only be the movie. His character is an aspiration. But just don't aspire to be him.

Intermission

2008-02-20T12:59:00.003Z

I haven't been doing what i am supposed to do - Packing. I'm sure i'm going through this overwhelming feeling of withdrawal. I'm not really good with withdrawal. It took me 6 months to get over it the last time. Well, this isn't as dramatic and emotional as it used to but what can i do, i can't help feeling sentimental.

This is more or less like an intermission. Where you have to get ready for something that you are not sure how it's gonna turn into.

I love my room here in Bristol. Been staying here since the 2nd day i stepped in the UK. I'm sure all students that came with me would have stayed at least 2 places during the time here. But for me, I have never known any other rooms. I never opened any other windows during cold winters. I never slept on another bed that i can call my own. Bit dramatic of me aren't i now?

Walk to the light. Walk to the light. Yes I can.

Yes We Can~

2008-02-20T11:02:00.004Z

Really cool video.

WARNING THIS ENTRY IS LONG!

2008-02-18T16:24:00.022Z

Anticipation of The Ride

I was afraid that i have put too high of expectation when i was riding the tube to the North Greenwich station. And as it was already half 4 in the afternoon, i noticed there weren't many fans at the O2 Arena. I got more and more afraid that Corgan would do a "Notts", leaving without saying goodbye and no encore. I secretly prayed that lots of people will come to the concert.

After getting the Zeitgeist poster, me and Abbas went to entrance D, the entrance where all the standing ticket holders will enter. I say goodbye to Abbas who had to enter entrance H for his seated ticket. I showed my ticket and the ticket guy gave me an O2 band and politely put it on my right wrist. I walked straight to the queueing line where there were already about 20 people queueing. "Wow, this is great!" I said to myself.

The Camera

After half an hour in the line, I noticed a sign that says - "No Professional Camera and Video Equipments Are Allowed In". "Fuck!" i said with a sighing breath. Another hour lining up, there were only about 100 of use on the line. The gate opened at 18.30 sharp and i was about to hand in my camera. I opened my bag to the security bloke. Then he asked me :

Security Bloke: "What is this?" pointing at my tele lens.
Me: It's a lens.
Security Bloke: "What is it for?" while scratching his head.
Me: *Baffled* "Err..it's for my camera"
Security Bloke: "Ohh, you cannot bring that in. Please go there (pointing at a small table about 20 yards from where we were standing) and put it in the safe locker.
Me: "Ok".

I safely close my camera bag and move to the entrance. Another security guy tried to stop me saying "Check the bag"..i move faster and answered "He already checked my bag and said ok!" I lied obviously but i got my camera in! Woohoo!

The Opening Band

At exactly 19.30, Oceansize came on stage. I've read the Notts (where they also opened) reviews saying these guys are quite good, so i was excited to hear them as well. To be fair, their music was good. But the ultimate downside is, nobody could understand what their frontman was singing. It was like just hearing nice choreographed noise with a mute puppet performing on stage. Luckily, they were only given enough time to do 4 songs. At 20.00, they were off. And then came back to take back their own equipments! haha. That was funny. Pretty sad too.

Oceansize's frontman - Mike Vennart, shouting what was mute to us. Click him for bigger picture.

*The Greatest Night of My Life* So Far.

Billy Corgan, Ginger Reyes, Jeff Schroeder, Lisa Harriton and Jimmy Chamberlain came on stage at 20.30 sharp. They took their places and guitars and didn't say nothing. Corgan straight away started the night with Porcelina Of The Vast Oceans*, a number from their award winning album - Mellon Collie In The Infinite Sadness. They then proceed with my favourite yet under-rated song from album Adore - Behold! The Nightmare. I said it is under-rated because i was the only one that shouting "YEAHGHHHHHH!" when Corgan plucked the song's first note.

It was as if they were toying with the audience who wanted to get the night started but the pumpkins build it up with their third song of the night - Bring The Light. The fans swayed with it and raising their hands. A metaphorical song that signalled that the night will be a memorable one.

Today * came on next and it was unbelievable. One because this song kicked off the night, kicked off the audience. And as i was standing at the 2nd row in front of the stage, i was getting hammered from the back by audiences who were already drunk. I was constantly pushed front and back, side to side, gasping for my breath while trying to enjoy the song. At the same time, i was afraid that my camera will get smashed and all. I managed to control my footing thanx to a "fortunate" event. *grins*. Mayonaise* was next.

Lisa Harriton played the piano and keyboard. Sexy british chick she is. She brings the jazz to the pumpkins.

Jeff Schroeder, a new rhythm guitarist replacing the legendary James Iha did well. I just wonder how he could play all through the concert with his red jacket on.It was unbelievable! Nevertheless, he was good and he look like he really did enjoy the gig.

Ginger Reyes, replacing the iconic D'arcy Wretzky played her role as a bassist effortlessly. For years to come, her red ballerina-like dress will wet the dreams of the male and confused women audience.Half way through the concert, Corgan bantered and announced * that Ginger just got engaged that very day. She showed the ring and all.

Corgan continued by saying that he is unfortunate in relationships sarcastically saying that it was his fault - "It's my fault for being loving, caring, nurturing,sensitive, brilliant,a good head giver, great in sack- it's my fault". That got a big laugh by the audience. Seconds after that, he got a huge applause for saying - "But it's not my fault, it's worthless bitches who didn't know what they want." They then played Drown.

Jimmy Chamberlin made a come back with their latest album - Tarantula. It was great to see him back on the back of the drums after years missing. He is the original member of the Smashing Pumpkins when they started.

He is as good as he was. Arguably even better.

Billy Corgan, the frontman of the band played a solo acoustic version for 3 songs (i think) - Perfect, 1979 and another one is a mocking acoustic cover of Girls Aloud song- Call The Shots* saying "It's the best song ever written. Better than any Beatles songs". That was funny.

He didn't missed a chord and played flawlessly. Audience sang with him and was moved.

Excellent.

Surprisingly, they played Daydream. A song that Corgan said that he wouldn't play it unless James Iha is present. Then again, every single song by them will have a Corgan in it. I'm glad they played the song. The arena was definitely the loudest when they play Tarantula,Stand Inside Your Love, Ava Adore, Bullet With Butterfly Wings and Everlasting Gaze. I remember singing on top of my lungs for Everlasting Gaze. There were times where Corgan just shut up and the crowd sang it for him, he looked amazed and enjoyed the fact that all of us knew the lyrics.

They dragged the night on with United States, playing long rifts and went nuts. Corgan said thank you to the audience and together they went off the stage.

They came back on for the encore. "Thank God" i said to myself. Covering Echo and the Bunnymen's track - Lips Like Sugar*. They didn't finish with Cherub Rock. It would have been great if they did but it was already a great night without it. Come on, they played 27 songs!!!

Hands down the best night of my entire life. I doubt that any concert can top it for me. A great goodbye for me. Thank you Abbas for the company. =) Thank you Smq and Jeg for the awesome weekend too. Definitely a memorable weekend where Man Utd trashed Arsenal too. Haha. Great night out and great Bonda Cafe's chats.

PERFECT!

Click on any of the pics for more.Bigger too. All pics by me. Copyrighted by me.haha.
(*) Videos

The Greatest Night

2008-02-18T02:12:00.005Z

The greatest night of my life.So far.

More to come.

click Corgan for more shots.

Tribute - Smashing Pumpkins

2008-02-15T15:38:00.002Z

I never really have gotten pass Adore. It was a beautiful album. Solid music clarity and arguably the most accepted album from the general masses. It works because it was new and this new creativity behind corgan's sound in the album was pleasingly gothic, intoxicatingly heartfelt. The album was successful because the sounds teased with the inner darkness of a human being, the lyrics described the surroundings and their image contradicts the album as a whole. It was like they were making fun of the world. Insulting it and yet embracing it by fully understanding it. The album was huge because it weaves all the basic element of life - Love and hope. Intertwined with depression and death.

It was with Adore that i ventured with Corgan's other albums. Gish, Siamese Dream, Mellon Collie in the infinite sadness, Pisces Iscariot, The Aeroplanes Flies High, Machina The machine of God,Machine II/Friends and Enemies of Modern Music and the latest one - Zeitgeist. They released their latest EP- American Gothic.Even when they broke up and Corgan created Zwan, i hear them.

When they came out with their best songs compilation album - Rotten Apples, i thought that was the end of the Smashing Pumpkins. But the legend of Corgan lives on with Zeitgeist. It took me a while to understand this new album. Because of his stature in my life, i obliged to Corgan by truly listening to it. With years passed and with my heart mellowed by all the One Tree Hill'esque music scattered in the market, i have to say it was quite hard to let this new sound sink in.

It reeks of political disagreement. Yeah, not a given subject in today's world. But what's interesting is the combination of Jimmy Chamberlain's gruelling drums and Corgan's creativity. Everyone knows Corgan doesn't need the whole entourage to make songs. He practically wrote and played every instrument himself. But he needs a drummer and Chamberlain compliment him so well. With his iconic voice and provocative lyrics seemingly layered with heavily distorted guitar sounds, this album is a reminder from where Muse was born. It is a reminder from where My Chemical Romance had their grounds.

This album brings back the original sound of the old Smashing Pumpkins. Where their songs were heard between halls of residence in colleges.The reason why adolescence saved up money to buy a headphone. Constantly banging and relating to their music in their rooms after school. The reason why troubled, social repellent kids had hope in surviving their teenage years. Most importantly, for the older listener like i am, it gives me a smile of what life is all about in those years. It is a memory that i will never erase no matter how painful it was. Because Corgan helped me survive. And as long as Corgan lives, Smashing Pumpkins will never die. He is the soul of Smashing Pumpkins. And Smashing Pumpkins will always be him.

I just hope he won't do a "Notts" tomorrow night like he did last night.

His music and his words will always be my solace.

Spike Yearghh!

2008-02-14T17:42:00.006Z

Jumper was ok. The movie Jumper, starring Hayden Christensen and Rachel Bilson. It is about David Rice;a genetic anomaly allows him to teleport himself anywhere at anytime. The trick is though, he must have a "Jump Site", a photo or some sort for him to picture it and keep it in his head for him to jump where ever he wants. Its cool though. But not so cool if the genetic anomaly happens to be in a person with little memory.

The movie was entertaining but a bit draggy in the middle. I would suspect, that if the movie opens well (which i think wouldn't because it open on a Valentine's Day!) it will get a sequel. But i wonder what else can they possibly do with the story. Hey, leave that to some demanding Hollywood writers to think about that.

Rachel Bilson was so very cute and loveable. I couldn't think of any actresses out there that i rather squeeze her cheeks and kiss her eyes than Bilson's. Hayden however is still not a fav actor mine and he still proves me that he is a sucky actor. Yes, i can see why girls swoon for his looks and his eyes. But my oh my, he is a lousy actor. Not even charming. Bluerghh. So my bet is, though the movie has some pretty interesting and intriguing trailers lined up, it only ends there. Don't be fool though, they never went to the Eiffel Tower or the Sydney Opera. All bollocks. One thing for sure, Samuel L. Jackson's eyes are effing scary. I wouldn't want to be his son. I, would however be a fan.

Quench your curiosity and just go and watch this movie. In fact, i would suggest, wait for a while and watch it free. The action was ok. If you want to see the actions, just watch the trailers because that's all there is. Nothing more. Not even under the sheets action. What do you expect from a 12A rated movie aye? It did however mentioned a particularly loud F word once in the movie. Which i suspect is acceptable for 12 year old kids here - "You can say it once, so say it loudly" says a father to his son. Jumper - OK.

Valentine's.

The sheer coldness of the day will mean that home is the perfect place to celebrate Valentine. What I've learnt about love is that it is pretty much like playing women volleyball. How?

It starts with a bit of luck (coin tossed).It progresses with best of 5 games. There will be a lot of shouting and bumps with others (ex bfs or ex gfs or new people) through out the game. And there will be times where it is faulty for each side to touch the net (privacy,beliefs issues). Once touched, points are given to the opponent.

Love can be sexy and playful and healthy (jumping and sweating) and yet it can be competitive and stressful. And like how they say it, love is about compromising;more like hitting the ball to each side of the court on and on. But there's always a winner to each play and the winner wins after being skilful or lucky or pushing it straight without listening (spike hard) to the opponent. Hence, the opponent have to accept the compromise if the other side failed to 'block' properly.The game plays on, but as love has no umpire to govern the game, the game technically never ends. It goes on and on and on.

So who wins? The side which has the strongest mental capabilities, the lowest stress level, the most skilful and the one with better stamina. It is an advantage too if you can spike and jump hard.

All puns are intended. Of course. Who said love isn't a game? Let us all play the game!

Hands Up!

2008-02-13T18:49:00.003Z

Volleyball.Mmpph.

Probably everybody is busy tonight. For work reasons or for the obvious one - Valentine's Day. Somebody should get lucky.

Warholized

2008-02-12T00:26:00.001Z

Warholized. Andy Warhol like. When boredom strikes back.

Amy Beehouse

2008-02-11T23:22:00.000Z

Grammy 2008 was great. It would have been better if the king of pop wasn't too cocky and said that he wouldn't perform if he is not to received any awards. Just perform la brudder...adeih..

Was quite dissapointed with Foo Fighter's - The Pretender performance. They could have performed much much better. But like how Man Utd lost to Man City on the home ground over the weekend, it doesn't matter coz they are still great. I was expecting a full-tonsil-out-from-the-mouth action during the chorus of the song, but nopes. Like how Samy Vellu said - "Tiada kepala, mana boleh ada badan lagi?" (Without the head (leader), there wouldn't be any body left) That's how the performance failed, without the full blown chorus of the song.

John Mayer made a cameo appearence for Alicia Keys performance. His hair seemed to be touch by a hairdresser for the first time. And for once, his appearance lived up to his "casanova" status, with his spiky hair and Italian-cut jacket.Not the old little puppy comel-comel like.

Kanye West went all emotional with his performance. Even had a cut-out MAMA on his head. A tribute to the passing of his mother recently. He is entitled to be all emotional.

Tina Turner and Beyonce duet was great and entertaining. But i love the back-up singers for Amy Winehouse's performance. I prefer watching them dance then watching Amy's face. I love her songs, i love her voice..but man..i keep on thinking.."Bilalah tebuan nak keluar dari rambut dia ni?"

All in all, it was a great show. If only Foo Fighters performed inside the Staples Center, and if only Dave have sung the chorus full blown, it would have been perfect.

Where are you?

2008-02-10T01:31:00.001Z

.If only I can see beyond.

Haih. I miss her.